Free Form Writing - Because of You.

She was dreaming, she knew she was, but it felt so real. He stood there before her smiling, not saying a word. Everything she hated and feared wrapped up in that smile.....

I will not make the same mistakes that you did...

For once she felt anger, a rage so pure and swift it filled her from head to toe. ....

I will not let myself...

For once instead of turning and fleeing, she stepped forward. ....

Cause my heart so much misery...

For once instead of shaking from fear, she shook with fury. ....

I will not break the way you did...

For once her voice was not vacant when she opened her mouth this time.....

You fell so hard...

Her soul poured out her mouth, lashing at him harder, and more painful than any whip.....

I've learned the hard way....

And for once he was the one that cowered away, not her.....

To never let it get that far...

He was her cousin.....

Because of you...

He’d crushed a part of her she would never get back.....

I never stray too far from the sidewalk....

He’d taken what wasn’t his.....

Because of you...

He’d stolen her heart and trampled it.....

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt...

Laughing in her face at her pain.....

Because of you...

He’d made her unable to trust.....

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me...

To love.....

Because of you...

To feel.....

I am afraid...

How long had she wandered, lost I herself?....

I lose my way....

Me, myself and I, right?....

And it's not too long before you point it out....

She tried to cry, to find her way out, but he wouldn’t let her.....

I cannot cry....

He watched her, haunted her, encompassed her.....

Because I know that's weakness in your eyes....

So she smiled, even though she really didn’t mean it.....

I'm forced to fake....

For friends, for teachers, even for her parents.

A smile, a laugh everyday of my life...

Relationships? What a joke. How could she offer them something she didn’t even have herself?....

My heart can't possibly break...

She stumbled upon her heart once, it was a sad dead thing.....

When it wasn't even whole to start with...

She hated him.....

Because of you....

For once she could honestly say that and not be afraid to.....

I never stray too far from the sidewalk....

She wasn’t sure when things changed, but they had.....

Because of you....

She was still scared and unsure about a lot of things, but somewhere she found strength she didn’t know she had.....

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt....

She could look back on the memories and face them openly, to understand, to heal where he had burned her.....

Because of you....

She was far from complete again, but she was on the right road.....

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me....

She hoped he was too.....

Because of you....

Though she doubted it.....

I am afraid...

She could see it in his eyes his own pain.....

I watched you die....

His own suffering demons inside of him. Trapped by abuse she couldn’t even imagine.....

I heard you cry every night in your sleep....

But that didn’t make it right for him to take it out on her.....

I was so young....

She didn’t understand either, she was just a kid.....

You should have known better than to lean on me....

How was she supposed to fix it?....

You never thought of anyone else....

She couldn’t stop it either. How was she supposed to help you?....

You just saw your pain....

Why did she have to suffer too?....

And now I cry in the middle of the night....

It’s a broken record, just repeating the same pain in a vicious circle.....

For the same damn thing

For once in her dream she wasn’t the only one crying.....

Because of you....

So was he.....

I never stray too far from the sidewalk....

For once she wasn’t the only one forced to openly display her pain.....

Because of you....

So was he.....

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt....

For once she could say words she never thought she’d be able too.....

Because of you....

She could tell him about how she can’t just stop the memories.....

I try my hardest just to forget everything....

He cried.....

Because of you....

For once she could tell him how she guards her heart, unable to let anyone in.....

I don't know how to let anyone else in....

He cried.....

Because of you....

And for once she could tell him how empty he’d made her, and she hated him for it.....

I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty....

He cried.....

Because of you....

And she told him how afraid she was because of him.....

I am afraid...

And he cried.....

Because of you....

And for once she could turn and walk away.....

Because of you....

And for once he let her.....

“Because of You” by Kelly Clarkson.... (From a dream I had while going through Shelter.)

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