Pleasurable Rape And Strange Sexual Addictions?

Today I wanted to talk to you about two issues that are very personal to me. I wanted to talk to you about people who are raped, but their body enjoys it. The people who didn’t want it, but who might still have received pleasure or even an orgasm from the abuses and about the confusion this causes.

To clarify, let me tell you part of my story.

I was 12, and had been abused for about 2 years. There was a routine, a familiarity to my abuse. My rapist was becoming bored with me and had decided to try new things to ‘make it more exciting again.’ My rapist decided to perform oral on me and despite the fact I hated him with everything in me at the time, my body still reacted to it. I still got wet, I still orgasmed, and I still wanted more of his touch. And I hated him even more for making me feel that way.

It’s easier to disassociate, to separate yourself from the situation, if it’s all bad. But what about when they don’t let you? What about when they force you to stay trapped there and feel every single second of it? What if it’s not all bad?

In society, rape is viewed as two very different things. There’s the using rape as a form of joking, or even sexy as seen in some advertising and films. Take the Dolce & Gabbana ads a while back:

“We live in a society that wrongly construes rape as being about "sexiness" and "desire" rather than violence and control. Diana Russell writes,
"…Women have been taught that sex is bad. Guilt frequently accompanies sexual stirrings, and in many rape fantasies, by imagining physical or mental pain, a woman can punish herself for having forbidden sexual desires…It cannot be overstressed that having voluntary fantasies of being raped, and wanting to be raped in actuality, are two entirely different things." (1975, p. 267)

Let me point out that just because something ‘good’ happened doesn't suddenly excuse everything they did to you. Just because you had a pleasurable experience doesn’t mean you can’t feel dirty and shameful afterward. And just because you orgasmed, doesn’t make it any less rape.

Rape is still defined as “forced sexual intercourse, including vaginal, anal, or oral penetration. Penetration may be by a body part or an object.” Just because you body said it ‘felt good’ doesn’t mean it wasn’t forced on you.

What if I loved that person? what if I dated that person? What if I thought ‘no’ but didn’t say it? If you’re still wondering if it’s rape, take a moment and visit RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network) ‘Was I raped?’ questions and answers page. This is the page that helped R.I.S.E. Founder Kylie finally see that she was in fact raped...

RAINN - http://www.rainn.org/get-information/types-of-sexual-assault/was-it-rape

Rape and Sexual Arousal:
Aphrodite Matsakis writes about sexual arousal or orgasm in rape:
"Before you chastise yourself for one more minute, remember that your sexual organs do not have a brain. They cannot distinguish between a mauling rapist and the gentle touch of a lover. They simply react to stimulation the way they were physically designed to respond. If you climaxed or had some other sexual response to the rape, this does not mean that you enjoyed it." (1992, p.73)

This is a dilemma not only faced by women, but men as well. In fact, it’s even worse for men in our society, because their arousal is shown externally. For example, a man getting an erection, or ejaculating. In the public’s eye this proves that they enjoyed it, or wanted it, and therefore, it wasn’t rape. Not only does this cause shame in the victim, but it can continue even after the abuse has stopped. Victims can develop addiction, or odd sexual habits that are typically considered outside society's norm, only deepening their shame.

Typical issues for a victim would be things like:
• If you are a male, you may feel that the response means you are "gay."
• If you are a gay male, you may wonder if the sexual assault made you that way.
• Sexual self-injury.
• An addiction to violent and degrading pornography.
• Masturbating, perhaps compulsively, to abusive fantasies or abuse memories.
• Rape fantasies.
• Avoiding sex altogether since any pleasurable feeling triggers associations with rape.
• Punishing yourself for feeling sexual pleasure.

I want to emphasize here that ALL OF THESE ARE NORMAL. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. People who have never lived through these things don’t understand that you were abused by someone who knew what they were doing. You were coerced, forced, and seduced into what happened.

“If you were sexually assaulted as a child, you were victimized by somebody who had knowledge of how to touch and manipulate you to the ends of their own gratification, and ensuring that your shame and (false) sense of complicity rendered you less likely to tell. It is another dimension of the abuse, and not a statement of you being bad. As you heal, you will come to give the abuser back the responsibility for all of the abuse, including the responses.“

There is help out there for those wishing to deal with these issues. There are people that are suffering right there with you. Most of these issues can be treated with counseling, therapy, and support groups, by teaching you what positive and healthy sexual expectations are.

If you would like to learn more, I suggest you read this article from 2008 by Louise from Pandora's Project. It’s very good at explaining the topics I’ve listed here today.

Pandora’s Project - http://www.pandys.org/articles/arousalandassault.html

No matter how ashamed or scared you are of people not understanding, I assure you, we've all been there more than we like to admit. We are all here for you. Don't be afraid to do what you need to feel whole again. Get the help you need and talk to a professional.

-Rindi

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Update: R.I.S.E. Youtube and Other Info.

I just wanted to take a quick moment today to let you guys know that R.I.S.E. now has it's own official Youtube page!

Check it out here: www.youtube.com/ragdollmender

You can also find R.I.S.E. at the sites below:

Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com
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Enjoy!

In Memory of Ashley Billasano.

If you knew you were going to kill yourself, would you tell your story first? Today I write in memory of a beautiful young girl. Over a year ago, Ashley committed suicide from the anger and frustration of her sexual abuse. Her family has asked in her honor to help keep her story alive and help raise awareness. So that's what we're doing.

“About a year ago Ashley came forward to investigators in central Texas, revealing she'd been the victim of years of sexual abuse beginning when she was 14 and lasting until the age of 17. She also claimed her abuser encouraged her to be promiscuous with other men.

"It's a very sick, twisted individual who was supposed to love her and care for her and protect her, and he didn't. He hurt her," said Tiffany Ruiz-Leskinen, Ashley's mother.

"She felt like she was not supported by investigators working on the case, including CPS. I hope they evaluate everything so justice can be done for her," said Ruiz-Leskinen.

We've reached out to several investigating agencies, but so far no one can tell us what if anything is being done about Ashley's allegations.“

The real tragedy here is that despite making the ultimate sacrifice and taking her own life, nothing has changed. We are just now hearing about this story. It’s been swept away in time and no one except her family and friends knows, or remembers Ashley. And this occurs all over the world, several times a day.

“This is why RISE is here. To prevent this kind of thing from happening. If someone who has gone through something so horrible can't find support, it can be dangerous. This is what we mean when we talk about the connection between rape/incest and suicide. They ARE connected. If you know anyone who claims they've been raped or molested, PLEASE give them the benefit of the doubt, even if you're not sure they're telling the truth. I despise people who lie about rape as much as anyone, but you never know. It is NEVER safe to assume someone is lying about rape or sexual abuse. In this case, it lead to the death of a teenage girl. We all have the power to save lives - just by listening, believing, and being a friend.” – Kylie [Founder/President]

Let’s not forget that even if you have a loving supportive network, parents that cared for you, and friends that would do their best to help you, sometimes the emotional pain can still be overwhelming. This is exactly the kind of person R.I.S.E. wants to reach. We have all been there, and we all know that sometimes love just isn’t enough.

I would like to encourage all our followers that if you find yourself in the same struggle Ashley faced, reach out, go to counseling, get help. Sometimes you find that family and friends are too close to the situation and by reaching out to someone not in your ‘network’ of people you can think clearer with less emotional charge.

As for authorities, Ashley is a prime example of how our justice system is letting down the hurt and abused yet again. Let’s not forget Ashley, let’s not forget that her family needs closure and justice, because that’s all they have left.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to her family and friends. This much I can promise, R.I.S.E. will not forget Ashley Billasano.

For new articles:
Fox News
Reality Chatter

For suicide hotline:
1-800-Suicide, 1-800-784-2433
Home
National

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Sex trafficking & Demi and Ashton’s DNA Foundation

Human trafficking is officially defined as the “illegal trade of human beings for the purposes of reproductive slavery, commercial sexual exploitation, forced labor, or a modern-day form of slavery.” For the purposes of R.I.S.E. I’m going to only discuss the human trafficking that involves sex trafficking.



“Sex trafficking victims are generally found in dire circumstances and easily targeted by traffickers. Individuals, circumstances, and situations vulnerable to traffickers include homeless individuals, runaway teens, displaced homemakers, refugees, and drug addicts. While it may seem like trafficked people are the most vulnerable and powerless minorities in a region, victims are consistently exploited from any ethnic and social background.

Traffickers, also known as pimps or madams, exploit vulnerabilities and lack of opportunities, while offering promises of marriage, employment, education, and/or an overall better life. However, in the end, traffickers force the victims to become prostitutes or work in the sex industry. Various work in the sex industry includes prostitution, dancing in strip clubs, performing in pornographic films and pornography, and other forms of involuntary servitude.”




Statistics vary, but below are some that can help give you a general idea of how severe this problem is:

• In 2005, the Department of Justice reported there have been an estimated 100,000 to 150,000 sex slaves in the U.S. since 2001.

• Official numbers of individuals in sexual slavery worldwide vary. In 2001 International Organization for Migration estimated 400,000, the Federal Bureau of Investigation estimated 700,000 and UNICEF estimated 1.75 million.

• As of 2009, almost 300,000 American children are at risk for trafficking into the sex industry.

• There are girls as young as 5 and 6 years old in the U.S. that are forced to do sexual acts for economic gain by their pimp.

• The Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention reported 1,600 juveniles were arrested for prostitution and commercialized vice in 2006; 74% were female and 14% were under 14 years old.

• Since 2003, 308 pimps and hookers have been convicted in (U.S.) state and federal courts of forcing youngsters into prostitution and 433 child victims have been rescued.

• 797,500 children (younger than 18) were reported missing in a one-year period of time studied resulting in an average of 2,185 children being reported missing each day.

• UNICEF reports approximately 30 million children have lost their childhood through sexual exploitation over the past 30 years.

• People are trafficked from 127 countries to be exploited in 137 countries.

• The total market value of illicit human trafficking is estimated to be in excess of $32 billion.

• The International Labor Organization—the UN agency charged with addressing labor standards, employment, and social protection issues—estimates that there are at least 12.3 million adults and children in forced labor, bonded labor, and commercial sexual servitude at any given time. Of these victims, 1.4 million are victims of commercial sexual servitude. Also, 56% of all forced labor victims are women and girls.

• It was reported in 2010 that Thailand and Brazil were considered to have the worst child sex trafficking records.

Real victims, real abuse. Below are some stories of survivors of the sex trafficking trade:

• In 2008, a mother and the man she lived with made her a dominatrix and schooled her in the ways of violent sex when she was only 12. By the time she reached 14, they had billed her as “Mistress Alisha,” and they offered her online for two years to service the sadomasochistic fantasies of anyone willing to pay.

• In 2009, two Macon, Georgia men were indicted on charges that they locked a 14-year-old girl in a house and forced her to have sex with up to 15 people, then sold her for $500.

• In many parts of the world, child prostitution is tolerated and ignored by the authorities. Reflecting an attitude which prevails in many developing countries, a judge from Honduras says, on condition of anonymity: "If the victim [the child-prostitute] is older than 12, if he or she refuses to file a complaint, and if the parents clearly profit from their child's commerce, we tend to look the other way."

• Debbie – Kidnapped from her own driveway, gang raped, and forced into prostitution for more than 40 days, being kept and treated worse than a dog, too scared to leave for fear of them hurting her family.

• Miya – Lured into a modeling job, kidnapped, and trapped into prostitution far away from home.

Read both Debbie and Miya’s stories here: http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/story?id=1596778&page=1#.TriUi_QUqso

So what’s being done about all this?

“The Protocol to Prevent, Suppress and Punish Trafficking in Persons, especially Women and Children (also referred to as the Trafficking Protocol) was adopted by the United Nations in Palermo, Italy in 2000, and is an international legal agreement attached to the United Nations Convention against Transnational Organized Crime

The Protocol is the first global, legally binding instrument on trafficking in over half a century and the only one that sets out an agreed definition of trafficking in persons. The purpose of the Protocol is to facilitate convergence in national cooperation in investigating and prosecuting trafficking in persons. An additional objective of the Protocol is to protect and assist the victims of trafficking in persons with full respect for their human rights.

The Trafficking Protocol entered into force on 25 December 2003. By June 2010, the Trafficking Protocol had been ratified by 117 countries and 137 parties.”



Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have a foundation called “Demi and Ashton DNA Foundation.” They do a very good job breaking down what human trafficking is, and how you can help.




“The DNA Foundation supports and develops innovative programs that address the root causes of child sex slavery. Our programs focus on reducing demand, disrupting the marketplaces in which these transactions take place, and helping educate vulnerable children about the realities of trafficking. DNA is a U.S.-based nonprofit organization.”

If you would like to read more about DNA or donate you can visit their page at: http://www.demiandashton.org/ or visit their facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/dnafoundation?sk=info

Pictures courtesy of DNA’s facebook page and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Map3.3Trafficking_compressed.jpg

More Statistics and info:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_trafficking
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_trafficking
http://www.crisisaid.org/ICAPDF/Trafficking/traffickstats.pdf
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/slaves/etc/stats.html
http://cup.columbia.edu/book/978-0-231-13960-1/sex-trafficking/excerpt
https://www.humantrafficking.neu.edu/
http://istoptraffic.com/html/human_trafficking_info.html

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Day by Day - His Story

This was from a friend and R.I.S.E. member who asked if I'd post it anonymously in regards to suicide.

"It was official. I was a Private Military Contractor, or PMC. A PMC is a soldier who is hired out to provide fighting support, reconnaissance, personal protection, or simply security to those who cannot provide these services for themselves, many times due to political reasoning. There are many other names for PMCs including mercenary, or soldier of fortune, but I prefer the more politically correct name of private contractor. To each other we are simply known as; “operators”. It is funny, the misconception that people have regarding PMCs, and all one has to do is watch a few Steven Seagal movies and those misconceptions will be displayed in high-definition.

I was hired by a large private military company to act as their operations manager. I was in charge of all operations from the West Coast of the US, and operations South of the United States in several third world countries. Although I was in charge of these areas, I seldom traveled to them, except when there were problems that needed addressing. By that time, things could be really out of control. I wished that I was still in the Army, but a knee injury during a rappel ended my career, so I was forced into the same work, only for much more money and with less politics and even less rules. As a PMC it is simple; if it is a bad guy, then take them out. It is that simple, and there are seldom repercussions for engaging someone, even if they are unarmed. That is the way our beautiful world works. While the poor sops in our armed forces were having to wait to get shot at, we were already engaging and destroying targets that we perceived as a threat.

On the date of February 27th 2006 I was on duty as a sniper, covering the movements of equipment and convoys, at a location inside CONUS (Continental United States). It may sound exciting, but in actuality it amounted to this: A corporation had Teamster Union problems and were experiencing vandalism of equipment, with damages approaching one million dollars US. My job was simple, observe and call in the security force when activity was spotted. When the team arrived it was my job, as sniper, to insure their safety, and provide a documentary evidence of said conflict. It was nothing new to me, for the previous 2 years I had been doing audits, or breaking into secured facilities and writing reports as to the effectiveness of their security that was already in place. I had done these “assaults” all over the US and in select other countries. Everything from Harbors to Airports have seen my wrath as I have engaged in activities, which at times had severe penalties if I was caught. The last place I wanted to see was the inside of a third world country’s prison simply because I got careless. All of this for Businesses, Celebrities, Politicians, and Government Agencies at home and abroad, who somehow felt that my services were necessary to help them better prepare for trouble, and so that when trouble came knocking, they would know how to answer. The only problem here is security. Police and military are never informed of what you are doing, so they do not realize that it is a test, thus it is easy to get shot and killed by these forces, so you make sure that you have enough ammunition to get yourself out of Hell, should the gates open up! Back to 2006. While I was crawling and dragging my gear, I had a painful snap and the pain shot from my neck down to the tips of my fingers. As a sniper I had roughly 90 lbs of gear with me. Video Cameras, Night Vision, Combat Equipment, Change of Clothing, Weapon with lots of ammunition, all of this translates to excessive weight, which was the cause of my injury. After approximately 16 hours, I was relieved of my duties and driven to the nearest hospital. After several hours, I received a diagnosis and was given morphine for the pain and sent on my way. The company I worked for immediately told me that I was no longer fit for deployment (because of my injury) and terminated my contract. The healing process was much longer than I had anticipated, taking over 4 years to have 6 surgical procedures on my shoulder & hand.

The injury itself combined with all of my other injuries (70 fractures, 35 concussions/ head wounds, and being stabbed, slashed, gutted, and shot) caused a unique pain syndrome to set in. I was living in pain, day-in day-out. Ultra Strong pain medication only took the edge off of the pain, but made living hard to say the least do to putting me in a narcotic state of mind. Apparently me being home and injured was not what my now ex-wife had dreamed for her future, and she decided to start an affair with a young man from the next town over. Not being one who enjoys drama, I simply divorced her, and now have joint custody of my two children, ages 3 and 4. My oldest son is named after me, Dusty Jay, while my youngest is named after a knife (something I hold dear to me) Bowie Wyatt. While going through multiple surgeries I had yet another obstacle to clear which was forced upon me. I actually had a newspaper retaliate against me for something I did calling me a security guard who is a “wanna-be hitman”. I thought about suing the newspaper for slander, which I would have won, however, it would probably still be in litigation if I had done so. It may not seem like much,but when you have dedicated your life to it and suffered heavy repercussions for it, all for the protection of people, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth about humanity in general.

Due to my divorce, public lack of acceptance, and the constant pain, I began spiraling downward. Despite having 2 kids that needed me, I felt that my life was over. When I began my career I was told that the average lifespan of someone in my line of work was only to the age of 30, and that is what I had planned as my expiration date. Now here I am at 33 years old, and I do not have a clue how the rest of my life is going to go. It is hard for me to talk about it, but I had contemplated ending my life, for it seemed the world no longer had a place for me. I felt less than worthless, not because of any one thing, but rather a conglomeration of things, which included living in intense pain, day-in day-out. I tried it all…but no success, just more pain. It seems that certain things from my past which strengthened me, also made me more vulnerable to ending my life, for example taking a full bottle of pain killers (Demerol, morphine, or even Hydros). I have a large collection of weapons, however would never use them to end my life because of a simple philosophy. With all of the violence and pain in my life, I desire for my death to be gentle, not violent…So I got passed this after a few botched attempts, which simply led to stomach aches and terrible constipation (Yes, more pain)...

I have found that I must live day by day, each day finding a new reason to press onward. Be they my children, recreational activities, my loved ones, or longing for physical affection (After all I am still a man). With all of my problems I know that one day my body will say, “OK enough is enough”, but until that day I am at the mercy of my pain countered only by my desires, which at times are just a mere glimmer, but at other times burn with a fiery passion. I have learned that suicide is never the answer. I suppose for every person the answer is something different, no universal answer can be inserted. It is my hope that others do not pass down the road which I have, for it is a lonely road of pain. And with that pain comes depression, and with the depression, stupid thoughts. Conquering it has been the most consummate enemy I have encountered. . .

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"Not a Victim" - Poem

"Not A Victim"

Struggles
pain
disappointments
betrayals
manipulation
emotional abuse

I have had my share
of misfortunes
but I refuse
to call myself
a victim

You know why?
because
I faced my demons
and I fought back!

I'm a warrior,
a fighter,
and
I have the scars
to prove it.

-An Anonymous Friend

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"Incested" - Poem

"Incested"

She learned real young in life,
In order to get by,
She must do what is expected,
And never question why...

It didn't seem to matter
How she felt - or why she cried...
Each time she was incested,
More child-likeness died.

Too young to understand
Why she deserved this thing,
She buried her emotions
And the torture it would bring.

He said that she must never
Tell another living soul -
Too small to know the reason,
Yet she knew she wasn't whole.

She felt it was imprinted
For all the world to see -
I am dirty...I am ugly...
Please...don't look at me.

She'd never heard of shame,
Yet she knew its symptoms well...
The harder that she tried, it seemed,
The harder then, she fell...

She knew she was responsible
For everybody's pain,
So she tried hard to fix it
Over...and over...again.

-Shannon L. Spardlin, "Does God Know About This?" (Henderson, Nevada 1993), 56.

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"Unknown" - Poem

"Unknown"

Tears bloom in my eyes
Traffic lights splintered
Creating eerie images
Distorted, disturbing

Memories came crashing in
Unbidden, unwelcome
Afraid to feel it on the spot
Afraid to cast it away

Yet somehow I knew
In feeling there is healing
Os so they say
I know the opposite is true

No feeling - no healing
Only postponed pain
Now my time has come to feel
My time to heal

-"Unknown" from Shelter from the Storm activity book.

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Movie Recommendation #2 - Speak: Date Rape

From the R.I.S.E. Facebook:

“You see, if something’s eating at you you gotta find a way to use it.” – Melinda

-In the movie, Melinda uses the pain of her date-rape to create art. This is not a solution, but it can help the healing process. Try it sometime. –Kylie [Founder/President]

“It happened. There's no avoiding it. No forgetting.” – Melinda

-Many people shut out what happened to them, and some even repress memories, but in order to heal, we have to face it. We have to accept that it happened, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Only then can we begin healing. –Kylie [Founder/President]

“I think you should know what you stand for, not just what you're against. You should be able to show how things can be better.” – Melinda

-Don’t just focus on the negative, but focus on how you can make it better. I think this also applies to RISE. We try not to just talk about the negative things, but we try to focus more on ways to make it better, because most of us know how horrible this stuff is, but not everyone knows that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And that light’s name is Hope. =] –Kylie [Founder/President]


*Please note that if you haven't seen this movie, prepare for a lot of flashbacks of the very realistic and disturbing rape scene. However, the end result is very healing, especially for those who have been through it. It helped me a lot... -Kylie [Founder/President]

SooMee:

I have seen that movie and I thought the end was awesome.

The movie I had trouble watching and still do; I get flashbacks, flinchy, withdraw for awhile. I can't really say there is a good ending to it and it makes me want to kill the mother, but watching it in a way helped me to express myself and let me know it's ok to cry.

Kylie:

Movies are a good doorway to healing, and even though the road can be bumpy and uncomfortable, in the end, it's worth it. =]

Thanks for sharing!

Kylie [RM]
RISE Founder/President

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Movie Recommendation #1 - Forrest Gump: Incest & Suicide

From the R.I.S.E. Facebook:

“Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far away from here.” – Young Jenny

- Young Jenny is abused by her father, and one day she tries to escape…

“Mama always said God is mysterious. He didn't turn Jenny into a bird that day. But instead - he had the police say Jenny didn't have to stay in that house no more.” – Forrest

- In Jenny’s case, she was rescued from her father. Although it was too late, better late than never.

“Do you think I could fly off this bridge, Forrest?” – Jenny

- Years later, the abuse Jenny experienced as a child has taken over, and she contemplates suicide…

* Many victims of rape and incest turn to thoughts of suicide for comfort. They think that if they could just end their life, their problems would go away. But it isn’t true. No one truly knows what happens when we die, but in our gut, we all know suicide isn’t the answer. It is not a way out, and in fact may cause more problems than it solves. If you are contemplating suicide, talk to someone. Chances are, you aren’t as alone as you think. ;] -Kylie [Founder/President]

“Why are you so good to me?” – Jenny [to Forrest]

* When people who have been victims in the past, especially of incest [or child abuse of any kind], many have a tendency to subconsciously search for a mate who will treat them like dirt, because they were raised to feel like they didn’t deserve anything better. The shame and guilt [which was never theirs to own but which they own anyway] becomes so big in their life that part of them actually wants the abuse to continue. Many end up in abusive relationships because of this, and so end up right back where they started. If you grew up in an abusive household, remember that it was not your fault, and you deserve better. Find someone like Forrest Gump – someone who will be good to you, despite what you grew up with. Having supportive people around us helps with the healing. -Kylie [Founder/President]

”Sometimes, I guess there just aren't enough rocks.” – Forrest

- Jenny finally goes back to the house where she grew up and experienced so much abuse. This scene is very powerful, especially for those who can identify with her.

“My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on.” – Forrest

* This is so true. RISE is about a lot of things, but I like to think that the main thing we are about is healing. In order to heal, we do have to acknowledge what happened, and face it head on, but then we need to begin the process of putting what happened behind us so that we can move on and not give it power over our lives and our futures. It’s hard, but with a lot of work and the support of each other, healing is possible. And that is the message I hope RISE sends out more than anything – that there is hope for healing =] -Kylie [Founder/President]

Have you seen this movie? If so, what effect did it have on you? Please comment and let us know! ♥

Comments:

“My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on.” – Forrest

My thoughts on this quote:

"R.I.S.E. Above"

The main goal/motto of R.I.S.E. Is to help people "R.I.S.E. Above" all troubles and obstacles. That quote is very right on with Rising Above...

-Eric [Vice President]

Check out more about R.I.S.E. at any of the following:
Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com
Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather
Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com
Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather
Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather
Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com

The Secret Shame

Today’s discussion is super intense. It’s a very hard issue that a lot of victims often find they are unable to speak about. To them, this is beyond humiliating and can make them fall into a whole new level of shame and depression. I’m talking about the victims that suffered through acts of bestiality.

Bestiality, for those that don’t know, is the act of having sexual relations between a person and an animal. It is also known under other names such as zoophilia and zoosexuality. Statistics on the subject are basically non-existent due to lack of victims willing to some forward. The overall consensus is that if one is a victim of rape via bestiality at the hands of their rapists, then the laws against such should be waved since it was against their will and completely without their consent. It’s always best though to ask a law for your state if you decide to press charges on your rapists. Also, rapists could be charged with animal cruelty by forcing acts of bestiality on victims as well, if that state considers it an illegal act.

“In many jurisdictions, all forms of zoosexual acts are prohibited; others outlaw only the mistreatment of animals, without specific mention of sexual activity. In some countries, such as Denmark, bestiality is not outlawed. It is currently illegal in Canada, Netherlands, 32 U.S. states.”

Here are some recent news stories on the subject:
Mum blames daughter's rape on bestiality
Ark. Man Confesses To Child Rape, Bestiality
Child Rape & Bestiality Arrest

Whether this has become a more common issue, or women finally feel they are able to speak about it, I’ve found a growing number of victims have began to come out about the bestiality that was forced on them by their rapist. Unfortunately, it’s been introduced more frequently in counseling groups and therapists offices than in courtrooms. Everyone, from 5-year-olds to grown adults, have suffered at the hands of their rapist who indulge in bestiality fetishes.

The Humane Society and the Vermont Animal Cruelty task force put together a great fact sheet of information on abuse of people and animals, here are some prevalent statistics on the subject (to read more click the link at the end of the blog):

“Although there has been little research to date on animal sexual abuse and its perpetrators, case reports and anecdotal accounts indicate that men are the primary abusers, although women and children may be forced or coerced into sexual acts with animals or may be abusers themselves. Reports indicate a wide age range of abusers. Abusers may feel isolated, insecure, and powerless. They may have difficulty in forming healthy interpersonal relationships with other adult humans and may have experienced neglect, physical abuse or sexual abuse as a child. Some may suffer from mental illness. In a study published in the International Journal of Psychosomatics (Alvarez & Freinhar, 1991), psychiatric patients exhibited a significantly higher prevalence rate (55%) of bestiality than control groups of medical inpatients (10%) and psychiatric staff members (15%).

Batterers, rapists and pornographers may force women, children, and other vulnerable individuals to have sex with animals in order to humiliate, dominate, control, and exploit the human and animal victims. Children who have been sexually abused may act out their abuse on animals in an attempt to gain a sense of control. Some people may derive sexual gratification from the pain and suffering inflicted while sexually abusing animals. This type of sadistic sexual abuser will probably injure or kill the animal.

The sexual abuse of animals is often linked to the sexual abuse of women and children (Kowal, 1998). This form of domestic violence involves the use of animals for degradation and sexual exploitation of the battered partner. According to Lenore Walker (1979), bestiality may be a part of further tormenting and humiliating the victim. In Walker’s (1984) interviews with battered women, bestiality was mentioned as one of the “unusual sex acts” desired by their partners. In a test group made up of women who had past relationships with battering and nonbattering partners, it was found that this experience occurred with 41% of the battering partners and 5% of the non-battering partners. Child sexual abusers may also exually abuse animals to enhance, expand or extend the abuse of the genuinely powerless and unsuspecting victim (Adams, 1994). Some case studies of sexual abuse of children include reports of forcing children to interact sexually with animals (Ascione, 1993). A child’s sexual abuse of an animal may be a warning sign that the child is a victim or witness of physical, sexual or emotional abuse. Research also indicates a connection between animal sexual abuse and other types of violent crimes. According to a 1986 study, forty percent of the perpetrators of sexually motivated homicides who had been sexually abused as children also reported that they had sexually abused animals (Ressler, et al. 1986).”

If you’ve read my story in past blogs here, you know that I’ve been a victim of bestiality myself. I’ve known survivors that have been kind enough to share their own stories with me as well. If you take nothing else from this blog, I want you to take this: You are not alone. No matter how awful and ashamed these events make you feel, it was not your fault. You did not ask for this. Also, if you’re a victim of abuse and you’ve started taking it out on your pets, please I urge you to seek help. It’s never too late.

You never know what others have suffered. I never came to grips with what happened to me till I was finally able to say it out loud. It took a long time, a lot of work, and an unwavering trust in someone not to judge me. If you don’t feel like you have that in your friends or family, I urge you to seek the help of a professional counselor. They are there to help you deal with things like this. Please don’t suffer in silence any longer. Don’t give your abuser that power any longer.

Info on legal stats
Vermont Animal Cruelty Task Force

Check out more about R.I.S.E. at any of the following:
Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com
Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather
Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com
Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather
Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather
Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com

SAFER Petition

A group on facebook called TeamStrick has sent R.I.S.E. a petition that I feel very strongly towards, and I would like to share it with you today.

KaDee Strickland and RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) came together to form TeamStrick, a non-profit organization that dedicated to raising money and awareness for RAINN. It was inspired by the actress and advocate KaDee Strickland.

KaDee’s best known for her film roles in The Grudge and Fever Pitch, along with her minor roles in The Sixith Sense, Anything Else, and Something’s Gotta Give. She’s also been known to be drawn towards strong female roles to avoid sexualizing or sensationalizing her self-presentation as a woman.

The petition TeamStrick is asking people to sign is called the SAFER Act to End Rape Kit Backlog. What does this mean? Well I’d tell you, but the petition pretty much speaks for itself.

“The SAFER Act, H.R. 1523, is a no-cost bill that will lead to the elimination of the DNA backlog of evidence collected in rape cases (commonly known as rape kits). Currently, there is a tremendous backlog of DNA evidence from unsolved rape cases that has never been sent to the lab for analysis. Until we test this evidence and identify the rapists, those criminals remain free to attack more victims.

The SAFER Act will establish better standards for future tracking, storage, and use of DNA evidence in sexual assault cases, and create the Sexual Assault Forensic Evidence Registry (SAFER), which will track the status of DNA evidence collected in rape cases. The registry will allow victims to monitor the progress of forensic evidence in their own case using a non-personally identifying ID number online, anytime.

The SAFER Act will bring transparency to the testing process, help us efficiently target resources to areas that have the biggest backlogs, and empower survivors with up-to-the-minute info about the status of their case. It will also inform law enforcement and the public about the extent of the DNA backlog throughout the country.

The SAFER Act will increase the efficiency of the criminal justice system by more effectively targeting areas with the most significant backlogs, while making the entire process transparent to the public. Processing this evidence from rape cases quickly will help to ensure justice for survivors of this violent crime by taking rapists off the streets, and create safer communities.

The bill has strong bipartisan support, and RAINN is optimistic that it will move quickly through the U.S Congress with your help! Contact your U.S. Representative today to express your support for the SAFER Act, H.R. 1523.”

Our founder, Kylie, found some great information about these rape kits. The following is from our R.I.S.E. facebook discussion page:

"A rape kit consists of small boxes, microscope slides, and plastic bags for collecting and storing evidence such as clothing fibers, hairs, saliva, semen or body fluid, which may help identify a rape survivor's attacker for use in prosecution. The process of collecting the evidence for the kit takes hours.

Although a rape kit's contents may vary by location, it may include:

* Instructions

* Bags and sheets for evidence collection

* Swabs for collecting fluids from the lips, cheeks, thighs, vagina, anus, and buttocks

* Blood collection devices

* Comb used to collect hair and fiber from the victim’s body

* Clear glass slides

* Envelopes for preserving the victim’s clothes, head hair, pubic hair, and blood samples

* Nail pick for scraping debris from beneath the nails

* White sheets to catch physical evidence stripped from the body

* Documentation forms

* Labels

In the United States, rape kit costs, availability, proper implementation of the invasive exam, and backlogs have historically presented problems for survivors of rape seeking justice.

As of May 2009, the federal Violence Against Women Act of 2005 went into effect, requiring state governments who wish to continue receiving federal funding to pay for "Jane Doe rape kits" or, "anonymous rape tests", which allows victims too traumatized to go to the police to undergo the procedure at hospitals, which will maintain the collected evidence in a sealed envelope identified only by a number, unless police access its contents upon the victim's decision to press charges. While the practice had been recommended by the Federal Bureau of Investigation since at least 1999, and was already followed at some health clinics, colleges and hospitals, and in the state of Massachusetts, many jurisdictions up until then refused to pay the estimated $800 cost of the rape examination without a police report filed by the victim."

(See our discussion page for more interesting and sad statistics about rape kits state-by-state)

I think the ability to track your own case and get that up-to-the-minute info on it, to me, makes this worth signing. Think of how much emotional anxiety this will relieve so these victims can begin to heal faster. Not to mention this might not only solve some cases, but might mean more offenders are brought to justice, a huge load off any victims back. Now this can’t do much for the people that don’t report their rape, but if people start seeing even a slight improvement with these changes in the justice system, they might just be willing to come forward more often.

If you believe this is a good idea, please click the link below and sign the petition. No changes come from those who take no action.

SAFER Petition

Check out more about TeamStrick at:
http://teamstrick.org
http://twitter.com/TeamStrick

Check out more about R.I.S.E. at any of the following:
Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com
Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather
Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com
Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather
Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather
Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com

Guilt & Shame, Victim & Survivor

I’m back! My laptop has been in the shop for about a month now, but it’s fixed and ready for new blogs. I decided to ease back into it by discussing the idea of Shame vs. Guilt and Victim vs. a Survivor.

Many times as victims, we are unable to distinguish these ideas, making our recovery process more than just confusing. A counselor of mine broke it down into two terms.

Guilt leaves room for making amends, and you often are the one to put it upon yourself. We often take responsibility for what happened to us and place guilt on our 'mistakes,' even if we truly weren't the ones that caused the issue to start with. This is completely unrealistic of us. Often we do this because we think blaming someone, even if it’s ourselves, will give us some sense of peace. We might not believe we can ‘rightly’ blame the perpetrator, or we think they will deny it, so we place the guilt upon ourselves in stead of where it should be.

Shame is put upon you by others, and is often considered the reaction of a perceived audience. We feel shame in how we think others will view us if they know the truth. We feel like we will be rejected, or disowned, when that’s usually not the case. Rape has become a very open part of our culture to discuss. You’d be surprised to find how many of your friends and neighbors have already heard of someone else’s story, or have their own story buried in the past. We should not feel shame for what was done to us without our consent.

Of course changing these mindsets, releasing your shame and guilt, is what makes you no longer a victim, but a survivor.

A victim is defined as “a person that suffers harm or death,” and a survivor “is a person that survives in spite of adversity.” Kylie said it best when she said “A victim lets their life be defined and darkened by what happened to them, and a survivor lets what has happened strengthen them and drive them on to help others. Don't be a victim. Be a survivor.”

Once, when I was struggling to understand this difference myself, I came across these words in a Shelter from the Storm activity book: “The ultimate goal of the victim is that they must let go of responsibility for the abuse, and acknowledge that responsibility for the abuse belongs to the person who committed the abuse."

See why understanding what guilt and shame do to you are so important?

I know all of this is so much easier said than done, and honestly sometimes this will take years for you to truly grasp and understand, but sometimes it's good to just know that there is a goal for you in recovery. You now have something to aim for, something to help pull you out of that depression you become stuck in, and truly begin to recover your soul.

Check out more about R.I.S.E. at any of the following:
Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com
Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather
Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com
Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather
Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather
Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com

Dreamcatchers For Abused Children

I’ve mentioned before that a woman named Sandra helped me get RISE started. I’d like to take a minute to tell you about her organization, Dreamcatchers For Abused Children. The name is pretty straight forward, letting you know right away that this organization focuses solely on child abuse. If you want to know the latest news updates on cases of child abuse, DFAC will provide you with that. There are also plenty of resources for concerned parents as well as victims on their website.

Not only has RISE grown since it’s birth in 2008, but DFAC has grown tremendously as well. It has thousands of participants nationwide, and has become a certified organization. They even came up with their own acronym, to describe their vision for DFAC. Here it is:

D edicating our time & devotion to helping children.
R ealizing every child has a right to be loved & safe.
E ncouraging & developing a sense of hope.
A llowing time to heal, develop & overcome fears.
M otivating & empowering victims to become survivors.
C aring, nurturing and understanding.
A wareness & education is the KEY to prevention.
T eaching children to lead healthy, productive lives.
C herishing all children equally.
H elping to make a difference in a child's life.
E ducating the public on child abuse.
R aising our voices for the voiceless.
S haring our power with the powerless.

While Dreamcatchers For Abused Children is much bigger and more popular than RISE, I still wanted to share a little bit about this group with you because it did play a big role in the creation of RISE. In fact, before I was President of RISE, I was the Kentucky Representative for Dreamcatchers For Abused Children. Due to lack of funding and resources because of the small town I lived in, I was unable to raise money for DFAC, so I decided to create my own cause in stead, one that didn't focus as much on money as spreading the word and healing. Sandra, the Founder of Dreamcatchers For Abused Children, was not offended by my decision, but in stead she was very helpful and supportive.

While Dreamcatchers For Abused Children only focuses on child abuse, a big part of child abuse in incest, which is one of the things RISE focuses on. If you or someone you know needs help in this area, if you have been a victim or the parent of a victim, or if you simply want to support the cause, please visit Dreamcatchers For Abused Children at the links listed below.

www.facebook.com/dreamcatchersforabusedchildren
www.dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com
www.youtube.com/user/abusedchildren
www.twitter.com/abusedchildren
www.myspace.com/abused_children
www.myspace.com/childabuseproject

-Kylie [AKA Ragdoll Mender]
R.I.S.E. Founder/President

Take Back the Night 2011, TWU

As many of our members know, I went to Texas Woman’s University on April 11th, 2011 for their annual Take Back the Night rally.

For those who don't know, Take Back the Night was started in Philadelphia in October of 1975. According the the website history, the citizens of Philadelphia came together after the murder of young microbiologist, Susan Alexander Speeth, was stabbed by a stranger a block from her home while walking alone.

“Take Back The Night’s supporters have always understood the power of speaking out. Rape, sexual assault, sexual abuse and domestic violence are often labeled “crimes of silence” because of low reporting rates and social discomfort with their public discussion.”

TBTN has a foundation called Shatter the Silence, where victims can post and share their own stories. They also sell shirts, posters, whatever you might need for your own TBTN event. They even offer legal help and information on how to organize your own TBTN in your area.

TWU’s event was held by a group called Project Rev (short for revolution), “is a federal grant-funded program that provides resources for victims of the following crimes: dating or domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking. “

Project Rev had set up several booths that provided counseling services, medical health services, poster making stations, and free food and drinks. They had several speakers come forward and lay out the statistics and myths of sexual abuse crimes, really managing to hit home why this was such a big deal to speak out about. They then had everyone make one huge group to shout several TBTN rally chants as they marched through campus. The final and most meaningful part to me was when they turned the stage over to the victims and let them speak.

They carefully set up two microphones. One was labeled media, which meant if you picked that one to speak, your story would be recorded and played on the news. If you chose the other, it was shared only with the group present. It was a very touching and emotional moment as one by one survivors came forward and shared not only their story, but how they were healing. I spoke briefly about R.I.S.E. and I also shared over 30 fliers in that one night.

When it was over, I stood gathering my stuff, and a man approached me. He shook my hand and thanked me for sharing my story. My speech had been about those that had yet to come forward and how the members of R.I.S.E. where there to speak for them. I wanted people to walk away knowing that we cared even if they never had the courage to step forward. As I shook that man’s hand, a knowledge passed between him and me; I stared directly into his eyes, and knew that he had been a victim too. I don’t think he’d ever shared his story, except to maybe one or two close friends, but in that moment I knew there was so much more he wanted to say, but right then that was all he had.

To the man that shook my hand, I want to say thank you. You are the reason I do this, the fact that it touched you is more than I could ever ask for. I hope we meet again, and maybe talk one day, but if we don’t, I certainly will never forget you, or your unspoken story.

All in all, a very touching and powerfully inspiring night. Below, I’ve included links to the TBTN website, Project Rev, a news article/video of the night (I’m at 0:30 seconds with the cane), and a couple of photos from the march...





Take Back the Night: http://www.takebackthenight.org/index.html

Project Rev: http://www.twu.edu/project-rev/

CBS DFW News: http://dfw.cbslocal.com/2011/04/11/hundreds-march-to-take-back-the-night-at-twu/

Free Love

This past Monday was Free Love Day, started by a man named Justin Murray. I could explain it, but in this case, I think letting you read his story makes it a bit more meaningful, so here:

“Free Love Day is a day to promote awareness of suicide and depression, as well as to advocate a LIFESTYLE of unconditional love.

My high school crush was a blond-haired, blue-eyed descendant of Heaven with perfect looks, grades, and people skills. She was a person's person, and would do anything to brighten your day. On April 25, 2007 she committed suicide after battling depression; this left a family, school and community broken. And it left me broken, too. I wondered, and still wonder, what I could have done to make her life better.

Here are the facts: depression is one of the leading conditions that lead to suicide. Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States. Statistically, for every suicide there are ELEVEN attempts. And the truth is that we don't know who wants to, will try to, or will take their life.

What's the answer to this? Love is one. Here, love means an action and decision to unconditionally practice patience, kindness, and humbleness towards people. Sharing your story with people, because we all have one. To open up so no one feels alone.

SO HERE'S THE DEAL: On April 25th, put a heart on your wrist to signify that you will wear your heart on your sleeve and observe a LIFESTYLE of love. ASK SOMEONE HOW THEY'RE DOING. TELL PEOPLE YOU LOVE THEM AND DO IT. Nobody should have to feel so bad about themselves that they take their own life, so let's give them a reason not to! Let's change the world on April 25th!

If you accept this challenge, pass it on; let's make this day as big as we can.”

I want to take this moment to send my sympathies to Justin and to every single person who has lost someone to suicide. I personally have lost my grandpa to suicide, and basically my Dad too. I participated in the Free Love Day event, drawing my own heart on my wrist, which for some reason everyone thought was a new tattoo. Maybe I will make it permanent eventually.

I’d like to encourage those of you that missed out to consider this; I believe we should do this every day, not just on April 25th. It gets people's attention, and when they ask you about it, not only can you share the message above from Justin, but you can also explain why it matters to R.I.S.E. and therefore, spread the message of it as well. The new R.I.S.E. logo is a heart with wings, so it's easy now. Two birds with one stone...

So are you going to spread the message?

Why did I?

In response to my last blog post about the history of R.I.S.E. I feel compelled to share my own story, and explain why I became so involved in the group and wanted to help out so badly.

When I was a child, I was raped by my cousin for 2 years. It didn't start out as rape, it started out as mutual sexual intercourse, but I had no clue what was going on, and he took advantage of that. As soon as my childish brain could grasp what was going on, I demanded he stop, and he refused. I was introduced to some very twisted things, where pain and pleasure went hand in hand.

SOME OF THE FOLLOWING WILL BE GRAPHIC:

I'm going to tell you some of the worst of it here, because I want victims reading this, who have experienced these same things, to know THEY ARE NOT ALONE. It is awful, but you can live through it and come out on the other side, alive.

My cousin was slightly younger then me, but he was bigger, stronger, and much smarter then me. He tied me up, gagged me, pretended to rape me as a child, preformed bestiality on me with the help of his dogs, and caused me much more pain, just to hear me scream. Anything that caused me pain turned him on. Finally, he found ways to make me enjoy the sex because my body is still only human. Despite everything, I believe that was the was worst part, because I wanted nothing pleasurable from him.

(END OF GRAPHIC PART)

He was a very sick and twisted individual. But despite what was done to me, I can now look at him and say I pity him. Someone somewhere taught him these things, maybe even did these things to him too. Control and power were huge deals to him, and I'm pretty sure he was victim himself, but he took a much more negative path then I ever did. I cared only about the others. He admitted in sheer perverse pleasure that while I was being abused he was also raping at least 5 other girls at the same time. I cried for them, wondering what became of them. Did they die? Did they recover? How could I find them and tell them they weren't alone?

One day, I found out my abuser was caught kissing a child I babysat. I was sure he was setting things up to make her his next victim, and I decided to speak out. It was one thing to hurt me, but not the babies. I came forward to my family, who all but rejected me, unable to believe someone so young could commit terrible acts like that, especially since he was family. Rejected, I was left to deal with this on my own, reading, studying, doing everything I could to learn how to get over it. I read somewhere that in the state of Texas, if it is a minor-on-minor case, the oldest is at fault. This meant I could never take my attack to trial.

Angry and hurt that both my parents and the courts were against me, I shoved my feelings in and went into a sort of numb shock for many years. When I was 18, I reinvested myself in recovery, unable to bear the silence any longer. I began checking out support groups, forcing myself into therapy. In my groups, I was the youngest person to attempt recovery, most waiting until their early 30's before trying to heal. This baffled me. I did not want to go the rest of my life carrying this weight.

I found R.I.S.E. while scoping out other sexual abuse groups online, and it caught my interest because it not only covered all three aspects I struggled with, but it specifically covered incest. I was tired of this fact being swept under the rug by most groups, and I wanted to prove how grateful I was that someone 'finally' was taking notice. I made few music videos and pictures for R.I.S.E., but I wanted to do more. Facebook was just taking off so I offered to make them a group page, which later turned into me making this blog and a twitter account.

I spread the message of R.I.S.E. everywhere - emails, signatures, phone calls, my support groups, where ever I could. I eventually asked the founder, Kylie, if I could become the spokesperson for R.I.S.E., and she agreed.

I love this group and the people in it with all my heart. But mostly, I want R.I.S.E. to touch the people that have never come out with their stories. I want it to reach those five girls who's names I never knew. I want it to reach people like that 11 year old that was gang raped everyone supported her rapist. I want it to touch them and tell them we are here for you, we want to help you heal, you are not alone.

I want to help R.I.S.E. go nationwide. I want it to be a name that you can just say, and people automatically know what you're talking about. I want there to be more walks, more chants, more counseling groups, and centers available for people suffering from all, or one, of these issues. I want to go from college to college spreading the work of R.I.S.E. And finally, I want to make it okay to go into high schools and tell them where to find the help they need to recover, because that's the time many kids are getting hurt and suffering, because most people won't speak up about these issues at such a young age.

I hope you will help us get R.I.S.E. there. I hope you want to help break this silence, and prevent other from suffering alone like we did. I hope you want to be that hand offering help, like we do. Join us in spreading the message. Together, we are never alone!

-Rindi

Check out more about R.I.S.E. at any of the following:
Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com
Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather
Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com
Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather
Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather
Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com

History of R.I.S.E.

Today I wanted to take a moment to answer several questions I've been receiving in regards to the history of R.I.S.E.

While I could go through and answer every single one, I think this one is better left to the founder. I sent her a quick email, and she has asked me to publish this article in response. Enjoy...

"I started RISE in 2008, after moving back to a small town in Kentucky, where I had lived when I was 13-14 years old. When I had lived there before, I had made an instant friend of a girl named Heather, who I eventually found out was being raped by her father every time he came home. She had many physical and psychological problems due to this, including suicidal tendencies. After I moved away, Heather and I eventually lost touch, but the memory of her haunted me, and when I moved back there in 2008 at the age of 23, I was reminded of how angry and hurt I was for her and her situation. I had also found out that certain members of my family had been raped, and other friends of mine as well, and I realized that rape and incest happen a lot more than people think. So, I began thinking of ways to help somehow. What I came up with was a Myspace profile [myspace.com/avoiceforheather], and an acronym: RISE [Rape Incest & Suicide Education]. That was a start. I was friends with a woman named Sandra, who was the founder and president of a non-profit organization called Dreamcatchers For Abused Children, and she helped me gather information and set up the page. I adopted the alias Ragdoll Mender, and began my work.

It wasn't long after I started RISE that I was doing research on the RAINN website, and I came across an article about how to tell if you've been raped. My mind immediately shot back to about a year earlier, when a friend of mine had forced me to have sex with him. I had been in a state of denial. All the signs in the article pointed to yes, and I finally realized that not only was I helping those who had been raped, but I too had been raped. RISE would end up helping not only others, but me as well.

RISE quickly grew on Myspace, faster than I had anticipated. I had many emailing me with their stories, and some even asking for my advice on legal matters involving incest. I tried to help them to the best of my ability, but I had no college degree in counseling, and didn't want to step on any toes, so the Tripod website was born [avoiceforheather.tripod.com]. It was just a site where I could post everything that was on the Myspace, but where I could also post a disclaimer, among many other things. However, when I moved in with my husband, in a place of isolation, I had to stop updating the Tripod website, but it is still there none the less. It was the same with the Myspace, which won't load on dial-up internet. Currently, the RISE headquarters is located in Southeastern Kentucky. Not much high-speed here.

It was becoming harder and harder to maintain any kind of connection with the victims that I had grown so close to. Then, just as I was about to give up on RISE, a woman named Rindi started a Facebook group for it. Since Facebook loaded just fine on dial-up, I was able to interact again. My husband Eric [Vice President of RISE] and I made a music video promoting RISE, and friends and family joined in [youtube.com/ragdollmender]. Eric also provides a male input, and is an advocate for spreading awareness about sexual abuse towards males. Later, I created an official RISE Facebook page as well [facebook.com/avoiceforheather], and Rindi created a blog and a Twitter account [twitter.com/voiceforheather]. RISE has come a long way, and although there have been some speed bumps along the way, hopefully the best is yet to come...

Kylie Jude [Alias: Ragdoll Mender]
Founder/President
RISE"

Thank you Kylie, for sharing such a sad story, and for having the courage to want to stand up and do something about it, especially for those victims that can't speak about the pain they are enduring. <3

Check out more about R.I.S.E. at any of the following:

Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com
Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather
Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com
Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather
Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather
Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com

Disordered Eaters Education and Advocacy

Anyone who’s followed this blog for more than a day knows we’ve been covering how society still views the way we dress to blame us for being sexual assaulted. Today, I’d like to veer in a slightly different direction.

I wanted to take today to address eating disorders and how they effect victims of sexual abuse. Since body image and perceptions tie in with the ‘way we look makes us victims’ concept, I felt I’d include it here. I am an active supporter of a group named Disordered Eaters Education and Advocacy, which can be wonderfully shortened to DEEA when you’re in a hurry.

DEEA is rather new, but it shows great promise to those suffering with eating disorders and who are looking for help, or help for friends who happen to be suffering with an eating disorder.

DEEA’s mission consists of three main goals:
1) To provide life-coaching to those in recovery from an eating disorder;
2) To supply resources on eating disorders, including facts, facilities, and support groups; and
3) To educate young people on the truths of eating disorders.

This is sadly a problem that is still swept under the rug in modern society. With a nation obsessed with focusing on diets, obesity, and a confusing idea of what weight is considered ‘sexy’ it’s no surprise eating disorders have taken root here.

Now, granted, this latest generation has become much more open about eating disorders, thanks in part to celebrities like Demi Lovato, but getting help for those suffering with eating disorders is still a confusing jumble of overwhelming information. Eating disorders are preventable and treatable, but without the information, most people never get the help they need. DEEA has set out to change this.

DEEA will help sift through all the information for you and get you exactly what you need in order to recover. DEEA basically takes your hand and walks you step by step through what you need to do and how you need to get there, while educating the next generation about the myths and truths surrounding eating disorders.

Here are a few examples of truths DEEA hopes to educate people about:
1) Anorexia nervosa has the highest premature mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder, typically resulting in death due to psychological complications - such as suicide.
2) As many as 11 million Americans suffer from an eating disorder, 10 million of which are women.
3) As of 2003, 40% of newly identified cases of anorexia are girls, ages 15-29.
4) The majority of people with an eating disorder do not receive adequate care. Many times, this is because so many insurance companies do not recognize eating disorders as a chronic or fatal illness.
5) More research funding goes towards schizophrenia, which is suffered by 1/5 the number of people suffering from an eating disorder.
6) There are many causes of eating disorders such as; family influences, sports, history of sexual abuse, certain personalities, and emotional disorders.

Now, what does this have to do with R.I.S.E.? Glad you asked!

Many people who suffer from sexual abuse turn to an eating disorder as a coping mechanism. Eating disorders give a false sense of control to someone who felt that control had been taken away from them. In fact, young girls who are sexually abused are more likely to develop eating disorders as adolescents. And when trying to control their body image fails to heal their psychological damage, the result often ends in suicide. Heather, the girl R.I.S.E. was inspired by, was anorexic. When she couldn't gain control from not eating, she turned to suicide. Luckily, she lived, but there are many who go through these same motions, and sometimes it doesn't end so well.

I’m going to take a moment to get very personal here. When I was younger, I was overweight for my age. After being raped multiple times, my body image was completely and totally messed up. I refused to eat. I was too depressed to care. When I did eat, my body packed on the pounds after being in starvation mode for way to long. I began to embrace that and over-eat, my reasoning being ‘society views fat girls as undesirable, if I was undesirable then I wouldn’t continue to be raped or hurt.’ Now, years later, I’m still dealing with trying to control a healthy weight.

I bring this story up because I want to point out that even if you are truly a big person, eating disorders effect you too. I could have easily gone the other route and become unhealthily thin if I thought it would have worked to my advantage in stopping my abuse.

And for my male R.I.S.E. followers, DEEA also wants to shatter the myth that it's only a woman's disease. In fact DEEA wants to expose the fact that over 1 million American males suffer from an eating disorder, and they often don’t get the help they need because male pride gets in the way.

If you are interested in learning more, or to take advantage of one of DEEA’s services (assistance in searching for resources, life coaching for those in recovery, or educating youth audiences) by contacting DEEA through email at disorderedeaters.eaa@gmail.com, you can visit their website at: http://disorderedeaterseaa.vpweb.com/.

You can also visit their facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Disordered-Eaters-Education-and-Advocacy/214694088541006?sk=info

Slutwalk - Not Just For Sluts

Last week, we discussed how society still views the victims of horrible sexual assault crimes as at fault because of the ‘slutty’ way they dress. Well, apparently some wonderful people have decided to take action.

In an article by Alissa Randall in the Toronto Observer, some students are taking action into their own hands to raise awareness and change these out-dated attitudes. According to the article, a group of students were angry after an off handed comment from a police officer that “women can avoid sexual assault by not dressing like sluts.” The Women gathered together and have decided to start a walk, a “Slutwalk” to be exact.

I think this is a great idea. I am all for raising awareness and I’m inspired that someone has stepped forth with an idea. I feel the need to point out that this is taking place in Canada, and that this idea of "it’s the victim’s fault 'cause of their clothes" is not just limited to the United States.

Below I’ve included links to other places holding their own Slutwalks. I encourage everyone of you to take part if you can. Maybe if we shout loud enough and stomp our feet on that pavement hard enough, people will actually start to listen. If nothing else, please go to support these women and show them that you refuse to be one of the ignorant masses.

I like the fact that these women are also making a powerful statement of what a ‘slut’ is.

“The group also wants to reclaim the definition of “slut” as someone who is in control of their own sexuality.

“We really want to push the idea that nobody is worthy of any kind of violence, whether you enjoy sex or not,” Barnett said.

Just because a woman enjoys sex, she said, doesn’t mean she’s inviting sexual assault.”

I think this is a very great point, hence the boldness. A woman can indeed like to have sex, but that still does not make it okay to rape, or hurt her. To many times people forget that, especially in the prostitution business. Some women have to do it, or hell maybe they even like it, pleasure for easy money, but that still doesn’t make it okay to hurt, abuse, or rape these women in any way. They are still people!

I applaud you ladies for what you are doing, and you can bet I’ll be in the Dallas Slutwalk!

Read the whole article here: http://www.torontoobserver.ca/2011/03/30/slutwalk-set-to-strut-past-queens-park-to-police-hq-on-april-3/

See the Slutwalk page here: http://www.slutwalktoronto.com/

See the locations of nationwide Slutwalks here: http://www.slutwalktoronto.com/satellite

-Rindi

Not the Woman's Fault.

In an article from The Raw Story, an online news site, they host an article about a Republican Representative who claimed that in a court case of an 11 year old girl gang raped by 18 men, it was “because she was dressed like a 21-year-old prostitute.”

Read the whole article here: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/03/16/republican-lawmaker-blames-11-year-old-victim-of-alleged-gang-rape/

It’s so disappointing to me that even to this day, even high end officials can find it in themselves to blame the victim in these cases, not the actual criminals. I think the only thing that makes this story any worse is the fact that the article quotes The Associated Press when it mentions how the boys charged have many people backing them, not because they don’t believe the boys committed the crime, but because “they blamed the girl for the way she dressed or claimed she must have lied about her age.”

Really? Really? I just don’t have words to describe how outraged I am at these people. I have never seen an 11 year old pull of a 21 year old look very well, but let’s say yeah, sure she did it. What makes any part of that okay to still gang rape her by 18, I repeat 18, men? Or how about the fact everyone claims she “dressed like a 21-year old prostitute”? Last time I checked, engaging in sexual activities with a prostitute is still illegal in most places. Nothing about this story is, or should be, okay.

This article reminds me of an advertising campaign I came across in 2008. The ads were of little girls photo-shopped onto overly sexualized women's bodies. They had writing in the ads that said things like “just because she has the body, doesn’t mean she has the brain,” or “if you see a child as anything more it’s wrong.” Now I give the company that made these some credit for at least trying to raise awareness and the ads did get lots of attention, so much so they in fact got pulled. However, I believe they did the advertising in the wrong way. They still played up the sexual aspect of the ads, which only encourages and distracts from their message, 'cause really who takes time to pay attention to the words in these ads? On a personal note, they’re also really freakin’ creepy. They also didn’t make a single ad about boys. I know that would have been harder to pull off, but it still encourages that stereotype that only girls are raped. There needs to be more awareness out there for males also.

See the ads and the story here: http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2008/02/08/hypersexualizing-little-girls-so-as-to-discourage-hypersexualizing-little-girls/

It’s just so disheartening humanity to see that people still promote this idea that it’s the woman’s/girl’s fault because if the way she looks or dresses. On the upside, it’s reporters like Lisa Wade and David Edwards that are helping spread this message of change and awareness to those of us that don’t believe it’s the child’s fault. Keep spreading the message guys. The more we encourage reporting like this, the more hope there is for the victims involved.

R.I.S.E. Together!

-Rindi

What is R.I.S.E.?

This blog was created to discuss the latest statistics and news stories that fall under the category of rape, incest, and suicide, or stories that could have a general affect on a victim's recovery. This is hopefully a way for people to be truly informed about these topics, and how we help change the opinions of people so that true recovery may begin.


From the official R.I.S.E Myspace page:

Welcome. We are RISE [Rape Incest & Suicide Education]. Our mission is to raise awareness about these tragic epidemics, and to help the people who are going through them to RISE above them. These are heartbreakingly frequent occurrences, stealing the pride, self-esteem, sanity, life and soul of thousands every year. Victims and survivors of these three epidemics may be young or old, male or female, and of any social class or location.

Every 2 minutes, someone in America reports a rape. That's just in America, and that's just reported cases. SIXTY PERCENT of rapes are not reported. Those rapists never spend a day in jail. Only SIX PERCENT ever will. If a rape IS reported, there is only a FIFTY PERCENT chance of arrest. Fifteen of sixteen rapists walk free... Rape is a crime, whether the person committing it is a stranger, a date, an acquaintance, or a family member. People who have been raped need care, comfort, and a way to heal.

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE

ONE IN THREE females are sexually abused by the time they turn eighteen. In 1995, over 126,000 CHILDREN were victims of sexual abuse. SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT of those children were girls, THIRTY PERCENT of them between the ages of FOUR and SEVEN. EVERY 10 SECONDS a child is reported being abused, molested, or KILLED. An estimated FIFTY PERCENT of child sexual offenders are the parents.

National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453

In America alone, a woman takes her own life EVERY NINETY MINUTES. An attempt at suicide is estimated to be made ONCE EVERY MINUTE. There are four male suicides for every female suicide, but twice as many females as males attempt suicide. Every day, approximately EIGHTY Americans take their own life, and 1,500 more attempt to do so. Among young people aged 10-14 years, the suicide rate has DOUBLED in the last two decades.

National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE

Survivors of sexual assault are four times more likely to commit suicide.

Take a stand. Save a life. Join the fight. RISE!


A disclaimer from the official R.I.S.E. website:

COUNSELING:
At times, the members of RISE may offer advice to victims or survivors, at which point this member, as well as RISE as a whole, holds no responsibility for the victim's/survivor's actions which may follow. We are all in this together, and members of RISE promise no professional training. Some of us are well educated, but only some. We are just a support group, here to provide support!

RELIGION:
RISE is in no way a religious organization, and will never discriminate anyone based on religion, or anything else. We are here to help, and through helping each other, we cross barriers of anything which might normally separate individuals. We are all here for the same reason, and that unites us.

Kylie Jude AKA Ragdoll Mender
Founder/President
RISE

Check out more about R.I.S.E. at any of the following:
Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com
Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather
Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com
Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather
Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather
Email Rindi: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com