Adrien's Story

New story submission from our R.I.S.E. facebook page:

"I'm an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I was molested by a step-dad from age 7-12, He was in his 40's and 16 years older than my mother. After I finally told and my mother divorced him, he married my aunt (my mom's older half sister

-who he is still with) & he later molested/raped my younger cousin by that aunt.

My cousin has done well in her healing, but I have struggled. I'm 33 now, and I still cry about the damage that was done. Some days are better than others but my strength lies in Christ. My Christian family has accepted me as I am, and God has answered so many prayers having to do with my healing process.

I've accomplished a lot in my adult life, and have grown to accept that I'm a survivor. I've learned that sexual abuse will forever be a part of who I am, but that I don't have to let it define me. I'm happy to say I love & respect myself now, and am taking life one day at a time.

Thank you to all of you at R.I.S.E. for all you do. Never stop encouraging us, because although many of us may not publicly respond, we all see and read your posts.

I know this is difficult for survivors to talk about because of how shameful we were made to feel by our manipulative abusers, but the cure to ending this tragedy is speaking out & making others aware.

-Adrien ♥"

If you have a story of your own to share, don't be afraid to message us. We will never share your story without permission from you.
Stay Strong, and Keep Rising!

-Kylie & the RISE team. ♥


You can also find R.I.S.E. at the sites below:
Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com
Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather
Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com
Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather
Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather
Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com

Anonymous - Warrior

New story submission from our R.I.S.E. facebook page::

"I was sexually, physically, emotionally and verabally abused for about 7 and a half years. People would pay my grandmother (on my dad's side), and in exchange, she would let them have sex with me. At that time, I was between the ages of 7 and 13. I started cutting when I was about 12 years old, because I thought that the physical pain was better than the emotional.

I was finally able to get out of that situation, but then, one month before my 15th birthday, I was Raped. About one week later, I tried to comit suicide. I stabbed myself, and all the doctors were surprised I didn't do any internal damage.

I was 17 when I told my family what happened between my grandmother and me, and they still don't know everything that went on, but at the same time, I have been coping with major depression, anxiety, panic attacks and PTSD. I have tried getting justice for myself, because I want to see that my grandmother pays for all the times she hurt me, but they say I can't because it is too late... 

So, I have moved on. I do have those days when I question "What am I still doing here?" but, I move forward, because I don't want to let her win. I am going to win by fighting my battle, and by knowing that everything she put me through has made me a stronger person. 

I am also able to understand other people that where abused as children now, and this is why I am currently in college to become a social worker. 

I will never forget what happened to me, but it dosen't bother me like it used to. I have finally been able to heal. I am a survivor."

-Anonymous

NOTE: If you feel the need to share your story, you can send us a private message on our Facebook. We will not post it without your permission. Sharing your story is the first step to healing, and should you choose to let us post your story, you could be helping someone else in your situation realize that they are not alone. You might even save someone's life.

Keep Rising!

-Kylie (Founder)

You can also find R.I.S.E. at the sites below:

Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com

Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather

Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com

Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather

Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather

Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com

Confrontation

In a survivors lifetime they will hear over and over again these three words, “confront your attacker. “ They make it sound so easy, like all damage and pain you feel in your heat will be instantly cure once you face them. Though many survivors swear by confronting their attackers, others however, find it a huge setback in their healing process. It’s important to remember everyone and every story is different. You have to face all the possible outcomes, good and bad.

Before you make that step in facing your attackers consider this:

Reasons people confront:

1) Validation of memories
2) Make those you confront feel the impact of what was done to you
3) See your abuser suffer
4) Revenge seeking
5) To seek payment for therapy
6) To try to establish a real relationship

Questions to ask yourself before you decide:
1) Whom do I want to talk to and why?
2) What do I hope to gain? Is this realistic?
3) Am I willing to lose contact with those who also know the person?
4) Am I stable enough to stand being challenged?

My mother once asked me why I never thought about confronting my rapist. I thought seriously about this question for a long time before responding. I look at it simply as this. Right now if I was to see him face to face and hear his voice utter that first denial, I would break. I would fall screaming and crying to the floor. When I am strong enough to look at him and face his lies well then there really wouldn’t be a need for me to confront him anymore, would there?

For some actually confronting the attacker is impossible. Maybe your attacker died, or moved away, or maybe they developed an illness like Alzheimer’s and don’t remember. Maybe, it’s just too hard to face them still. Don’t lose heart, there are still actions you can take. For example, you can try doing mock confrontations to help. It is a common therapy technique to have you writing a letter to your attacker, or perform the ‘empty chair method,’ where you image your attacker sitting across from you in a chair and you tell him what you are feeling, or whatever you feel the need to say. Any of these ‘confrontations’ can still help you get some measure, or closure and healing.

I reached out to some of our members asked what their thoughts were on confronting their attackers, this is what they said.

Bailey - I think it would depend on how far along in the healing process you are. Personally I don't think confronting him (my attacker) by myself would help any, because I know he would just discount anything I ever said, tell me I'm lying and it would set me back in healing way too far to make it worth the effort. When I confronted him before and went to leave I just started crying and if my aunt hadn't been with me and told him I was leaving him FOR me, I wouldn't have been able to do it.

Kandace - I don't think it would help. about 98% of the time, attackers won't see that what they did was wrong. i know a lot of men still think that women are theirs for the taking and blah blah, or if they feel even a little guilt they will lie and say it never happened or that you "wanted" it or say "oh you know you liked it."

Jessica - I think it depends on where you are in the recovery process, and what your goal is in confrontation. I think you need to set expectations for yourself, ie: how you will respond emotionally if your perpetrator denies it, or how you'll respond if they accept what you're saying and apologize. I think you need to have a very strong support system in place, people who know what you're doing and how they can love you after the meeting.

Some people confront their attacker because they think it's the "right" thing to do in recovery, that it's their next step to becoming whole again. But I disagree. Confronting should only be done when someone is absolutely certain they're ready for the consequences of such a meeting, whatever the results may be. It may take some people months to get there, others years, still others decades, and for some they'll find value in never confronting. It's a very, very personalized and individual decision, based on the circumstances of the attack and the purpose of the confrontation. It can be very healing, but only if done properly.

Beth - I'll expound on what Jessica said. Confrronting is not defined as solely with a perpetrator. Confrontation can be a complete success even if it is never heard or read by the perp. In cases where the abuser/perpetrator/attacker IS a stranger, saying that confronting is necessary for healing sets that individual up for many disappointments. My own response is pretty much an echo of what Jess said. Confronting is very personal and takes a great deal of recovery experience. I also believe that confronting should never be done alone. This sets a victim up for further potential victimization. I think an individual who is in the process of confronting should be seeking guidance, either from a counselor or a very trusted individual. We all need love and support and it is especially vital in this kind of situation/decision. Also, I guess that I want to add that confrontation for me has been both. Hurtful and helpful. The two occasions were very different. I was not ready for the first and was definitely wounded by the negative reaction. The next time was more about acceptance. I could accept that my perp would never admit or acknowledge what he did, and for now I am okay with that. I was able to find peace and security knowing that I had learned how to stand up for myself.

Michelle - I double mock what Jessica and Beth have said. Simulated confrontation has played a HUGE part in my recovery process seeing how my abusers are deceased and or strangers. But you HAVE to remember that your recovery CAN NOT depend on the actions and words on a confrontation from an abuser. A strong support system as well as a counselor in place to talk before, during and after the act of confrontation, I think, is a must.

Kylie (R.I.S.E. – Founder) - With me of course the situation was pretty unique - I knew my attacker, and after the attack I had gone into shock for a couple years. I even stayed in contact with him for a while, possibly leading him to believe that he hadn't done anything wrong. When I fully realized what he had done to me, I finally stopped talking to him. Then I went through the flashbacks and the torture of the first steps in the healing process. After about a year of this, I would have good days and bad days. I never knew when a bad day would hit, but when it did, I would usually wake up crying, mad at myself and at him and also at those people who didn't believe me when I told them what happened. I got into the habit of feeling sorry for myself all day, and that was no way to live. So, one morning [a month or 2 ago now] I woke up and felt a bad day coming on, but this time, it was different. I was sick of feeling like a victim. So, I got on facebook, found my rapist, and sent him a short email saying that he had in fact raped me and that I wasn't okay with it; then I blocked him, that way he can't write back. People are different, but I feel so much better. I haven't had a bad day since.

There’s never a perfect answer to confronting your attacker. It’s depends too much on how you as an individual will handle it emotionally then to be summed up into a simple solution. But the bottom line is you do what you think you need to do to heal. If you feel like they need to know what they did to you emotionally and you feel ready, then tell them, if not, there’s no shame in saying you aren’t ready. As our founder Kylie once said, “I can't tell you what to do, as I am not a professional, and I don't know your situation. Every situation is different, and it just depends on certain things. All I can say for you is just follow your instincts. If you think it will help you, and if he has no way of hurting you again, then it might be a good thing for you too. But don't do or say anything that could endanger you again. Good luck, and keep rising.”

More info about confronting your attacker: Pandora's Project: http://www.pandys.org/articles/confrontingyourabuser.html

Check out more about R.I.S.E. at any of the following:

Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com
Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather
Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com
Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather
Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather
Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com

"Incested" - Poem

"Incested"

She learned real young in life,
In order to get by,
She must do what is expected,
And never question why...

It didn't seem to matter
How she felt - or why she cried...
Each time she was incested,
More child-likeness died.

Too young to understand
Why she deserved this thing,
She buried her emotions
And the torture it would bring.

He said that she must never
Tell another living soul -
Too small to know the reason,
Yet she knew she wasn't whole.

She felt it was imprinted
For all the world to see -
I am dirty...I am ugly...
Please...don't look at me.

She'd never heard of shame,
Yet she knew its symptoms well...
The harder that she tried, it seemed,
The harder then, she fell...

She knew she was responsible
For everybody's pain,
So she tried hard to fix it
Over...and over...again.

-Shannon L. Spardlin, "Does God Know About This?" (Henderson, Nevada 1993), 56.

Check out more about R.I.S.E. at any of the following:
Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com
Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather
Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com
Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather
Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather
Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com

Dreamcatchers For Abused Children

I’ve mentioned before that a woman named Sandra helped me get RISE started. I’d like to take a minute to tell you about her organization, Dreamcatchers For Abused Children. The name is pretty straight forward, letting you know right away that this organization focuses solely on child abuse. If you want to know the latest news updates on cases of child abuse, DFAC will provide you with that. There are also plenty of resources for concerned parents as well as victims on their website.

Not only has RISE grown since it’s birth in 2008, but DFAC has grown tremendously as well. It has thousands of participants nationwide, and has become a certified organization. They even came up with their own acronym, to describe their vision for DFAC. Here it is:

D edicating our time & devotion to helping children.
R ealizing every child has a right to be loved & safe.
E ncouraging & developing a sense of hope.
A llowing time to heal, develop & overcome fears.
M otivating & empowering victims to become survivors.
C aring, nurturing and understanding.
A wareness & education is the KEY to prevention.
T eaching children to lead healthy, productive lives.
C herishing all children equally.
H elping to make a difference in a child's life.
E ducating the public on child abuse.
R aising our voices for the voiceless.
S haring our power with the powerless.

While Dreamcatchers For Abused Children is much bigger and more popular than RISE, I still wanted to share a little bit about this group with you because it did play a big role in the creation of RISE. In fact, before I was President of RISE, I was the Kentucky Representative for Dreamcatchers For Abused Children. Due to lack of funding and resources because of the small town I lived in, I was unable to raise money for DFAC, so I decided to create my own cause in stead, one that didn't focus as much on money as spreading the word and healing. Sandra, the Founder of Dreamcatchers For Abused Children, was not offended by my decision, but in stead she was very helpful and supportive.

While Dreamcatchers For Abused Children only focuses on child abuse, a big part of child abuse in incest, which is one of the things RISE focuses on. If you or someone you know needs help in this area, if you have been a victim or the parent of a victim, or if you simply want to support the cause, please visit Dreamcatchers For Abused Children at the links listed below.

www.facebook.com/dreamcatchersforabusedchildren
www.dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com
www.youtube.com/user/abusedchildren
www.twitter.com/abusedchildren
www.myspace.com/abused_children
www.myspace.com/childabuseproject

-Kylie [AKA Ragdoll Mender]
R.I.S.E. Founder/President

Why did I?

In response to my last blog post about the history of R.I.S.E. I feel compelled to share my own story, and explain why I became so involved in the group and wanted to help out so badly.

When I was a child, I was raped by my cousin for 2 years. It didn't start out as rape, it started out as mutual sexual intercourse, but I had no clue what was going on, and he took advantage of that. As soon as my childish brain could grasp what was going on, I demanded he stop, and he refused. I was introduced to some very twisted things, where pain and pleasure went hand in hand.

SOME OF THE FOLLOWING WILL BE GRAPHIC:

I'm going to tell you some of the worst of it here, because I want victims reading this, who have experienced these same things, to know THEY ARE NOT ALONE. It is awful, but you can live through it and come out on the other side, alive.

My cousin was slightly younger then me, but he was bigger, stronger, and much smarter then me. He tied me up, gagged me, pretended to rape me as a child, preformed bestiality on me with the help of his dogs, and caused me much more pain, just to hear me scream. Anything that caused me pain turned him on. Finally, he found ways to make me enjoy the sex because my body is still only human. Despite everything, I believe that was the was worst part, because I wanted nothing pleasurable from him.

(END OF GRAPHIC PART)

He was a very sick and twisted individual. But despite what was done to me, I can now look at him and say I pity him. Someone somewhere taught him these things, maybe even did these things to him too. Control and power were huge deals to him, and I'm pretty sure he was victim himself, but he took a much more negative path then I ever did. I cared only about the others. He admitted in sheer perverse pleasure that while I was being abused he was also raping at least 5 other girls at the same time. I cried for them, wondering what became of them. Did they die? Did they recover? How could I find them and tell them they weren't alone?

One day, I found out my abuser was caught kissing a child I babysat. I was sure he was setting things up to make her his next victim, and I decided to speak out. It was one thing to hurt me, but not the babies. I came forward to my family, who all but rejected me, unable to believe someone so young could commit terrible acts like that, especially since he was family. Rejected, I was left to deal with this on my own, reading, studying, doing everything I could to learn how to get over it. I read somewhere that in the state of Texas, if it is a minor-on-minor case, the oldest is at fault. This meant I could never take my attack to trial.

Angry and hurt that both my parents and the courts were against me, I shoved my feelings in and went into a sort of numb shock for many years. When I was 18, I reinvested myself in recovery, unable to bear the silence any longer. I began checking out support groups, forcing myself into therapy. In my groups, I was the youngest person to attempt recovery, most waiting until their early 30's before trying to heal. This baffled me. I did not want to go the rest of my life carrying this weight.

I found R.I.S.E. while scoping out other sexual abuse groups online, and it caught my interest because it not only covered all three aspects I struggled with, but it specifically covered incest. I was tired of this fact being swept under the rug by most groups, and I wanted to prove how grateful I was that someone 'finally' was taking notice. I made few music videos and pictures for R.I.S.E., but I wanted to do more. Facebook was just taking off so I offered to make them a group page, which later turned into me making this blog and a twitter account.

I spread the message of R.I.S.E. everywhere - emails, signatures, phone calls, my support groups, where ever I could. I eventually asked the founder, Kylie, if I could become the spokesperson for R.I.S.E., and she agreed.

I love this group and the people in it with all my heart. But mostly, I want R.I.S.E. to touch the people that have never come out with their stories. I want it to reach those five girls who's names I never knew. I want it to reach people like that 11 year old that was gang raped everyone supported her rapist. I want it to touch them and tell them we are here for you, we want to help you heal, you are not alone.

I want to help R.I.S.E. go nationwide. I want it to be a name that you can just say, and people automatically know what you're talking about. I want there to be more walks, more chants, more counseling groups, and centers available for people suffering from all, or one, of these issues. I want to go from college to college spreading the work of R.I.S.E. And finally, I want to make it okay to go into high schools and tell them where to find the help they need to recover, because that's the time many kids are getting hurt and suffering, because most people won't speak up about these issues at such a young age.

I hope you will help us get R.I.S.E. there. I hope you want to help break this silence, and prevent other from suffering alone like we did. I hope you want to be that hand offering help, like we do. Join us in spreading the message. Together, we are never alone!

-Rindi

Check out more about R.I.S.E. at any of the following:
Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com
Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather
Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com
Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather
Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather
Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com