Crystal's Story

New story submission from our R.I.S.E. facebook page:

This one was submitted by a girl named Meg, on behalf of her friend Crystal. This is the story of someone who is still struggling. Here’s her story:

“I was used and used, over and over again, and some nights it was multiple guys, and sometimes women. This was when I was 5-17. I am now 19. 

I’m not sure if I’m okay, but I keep going day by day, and that is what has been getting me by. There are many things that I regret getting into because I am a mess right now. I have been self-harming, drinking, and I even tried committing suicide three times, but I think that there’s a reason I failed at all three times. Even though with the last one I scared myself and I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, I think there’s a reason that god has me here.

I know that it has only been two years since I have been free, but for me, two years is much more than what you would think, because all the years that people would trade me for money or for drugs, that was my life until I finally got the strength to reach for help, and I was able to get away from those people. I know now that I have a long road to recovery, but I feel like I am a different person because I no longer have to be naked in front of several people at a time.

I have gotten help, and I do have PTSD and major depression, but I am determined to get better, and hopefully one day help children that are being abused, so they won’t have to hurt the way that I did.

To this day, I sometimes wonder why my suicide attempts didn’t go the way I planned, because I still have days that I don’t want to get up or feel like eating. I just get to feeling so worthless, so I treat myself like crap. But I am on my way, and that’s all that matters. I look forward to the day when I can proudly say, “I am a survivor.”

-Crystal

"Thank you for sharing her story. Please let her know how sorry we are for everything she's been through, and that we are here for her if she ever needs to talk. I personally know what it's like to have been suicidal and to have had every attempt fail. But there are too many reasons to live. Maybe that's why the attempts fail - because there's still so much to do - so much life left to live. :)"

-Kylie (Founder)

You can also find R.I.S.E. at the sites below:

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Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather

Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com

Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather

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Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com

Anonymous - Finding Hope

New story submission from our R.I.S.E. facebook page: 

Here is my story. Feel free to share it, but if you could leave my name out, I'd really appreciate it :) Here goes:

It all started when I was about 4. My preschool bus driver molested me and a few other little girls I rode the bus with. I still remember what he looks like, and I'm now 33. From the ages of 7-11, I was molested by my father. I lived with my mom (my mom and dad divorced when I was little), and my mom was never around much, so I was with my dad a lot. He'd molest me while I was with him on weekends. While I lived with my mom, she had a boyfriend we moved in with. He, too, molested me around the age of 10. He'd sneak in my room at night while I was asleep. When my mom found out, we moved out of the house, and I transferred schools.

By the time I was 19, I was very promiscuous, and I was into drugs and alcohol. I went to a party one night with my step sister, and I was raped outside the house on the back lawn. I kept saying no, but he didn't stop. I felt I deserved it because I had already had sex with another guy at that same party. That party ended, and we went on to another one, where again, someone forced himself on me. I told him to stop, but he didn't listen either. Of course, I drank and continued to do drugs. A couple of months later, I was at another party, where a man forced me into the bathroom and raped me from behind. I was crying and said stop, but he didn't care. He must have told his friend (whom I thought was my friend also) because that "friend" offered me a ride home because I was too drunk to drive. He stopped the car because I needed some fresh air. While outside of the car, he forced me on to the hood of the car, where he raped me. I screamed, but no one heard.

Any relationship I ever had after that, I was always the one who initiated the intimacy. I figured, "take control before he controls you". I used sex as a weapon all the time because I figured that was one thing I could control. I sure as hell couldn't control anything else going on in my life.

I would struggle everyday with my self esteem and self worth. I don't know if it was by the grace of God or what, but one day I just stopped drinking to excess, and I stopped doing drugs.

When I was 25, I married a man who was fourteen years older than me. He was abusive both mentally and physically, but I did get a son out of it :) My son was born in December of 2005, and I divorced my husband in 2010 after he shoved me down in front of my son and broke my wrist.

For years, my thoughts were "Why am I even here? My only purpose in life is to be a man's sex slave or punching bag, I have nothing to live for, no one cares about me, I am damaged goods and no one will want me around, so I may as well kill myself" However, I now know why I'm still around. I was blessed with a beautiful son, I have great friends who are like sisters to me, and God must have other plans for me. The pain of what happened to me will always be there, and I'll never forget it, but my son's smile and the relationship I have with my best friends tell me why I never carried out that suicide. There is hope after sexual abuse/assault, and there is life again. I'm so glad I made the choice to keep fighting against this. If I hadn't, I wouldn't know the good things I have in my life too. I am a survivor.

-Anonymous

"I'm so proud of you for moving on, and seeking healing from the past. Like you said, you have a son to think about now, and I think God DOES have more planned for your life. I think one of those plans is you sharing your story like you just did, not only to help in your own healing, but when we post it, to help someone else too :)"

-Kylie (Founder)

NOTE: If you feel the need to share your story, you can send us a private message on our Facebook. We will not post it without your permission. Sharing your story is the first step to healing, and should you choose to let us post your story, you could be helping someone else in your situation realize that they are not alone. You might even save someone's life.

You can also find R.I.S.E. at the sites below:

Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com

Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather

Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com

Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather

Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather

Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com

A Story From the Other Side - All You Need is Love

Everyone has different things they need to heal. For me I needed someone to believe in me, some to comfort me, someone who could just be there. I ask my fiancé to write something for R.I.S.E., something about what it's like taking care of someone with a past like mine. This is what he wrote.

Before I start, allow me to preface something. Before I met Rindi, I had little to no knowledge of sexual abuse. There was no history of it in my family nor friends. I never took part in any psycology classes and participated in counceling twice in my entire life. Stepping into her world could be compared to a little boy being asked to do brain surgery. Its interesting what you can learn about yourself by being immersed in something like this.

When I was told of her troubled past, my initial thought was that there had to be a simple set of words or actions to make things right again. Perhaps it was arrogance, ignorance, or even both, but my inner compulsion to fix things kicked into high gear. Despite all of these new things coming to light and my belief that things could be made better, I could think of nothing to say. I simply held her and continued to listen to her speak. The more she spoke, the more I continued to get angry and feel that much more helpless. This was not my element. This was not something I could correct with a comparison of a simmilar situation that happened to me. I had nothing.

These conversations continued for a while. Each time that I learned more. After enough time, she began to grow concern that her information would lead to me running or requesting to not hear any more. I told her that there was no chance I would ever think of doing anything like that. This answer seemed to come out of me so easily. I love her. There is no other option. Every answer I had for her came so quickly, I began to think I had done this before. (Or at least in a previous life.)

When I observed her first flashback, I was horrified. It was as if I was watching her leave the room without moving. I was afraid to speak or touch her, assuming it would only make matters worse. I watched her fall into her own mind for nearly thirty minutes. I stayed at her side until she retreated to a bathroom where her friends (with more experience) came to her aid. Afterwards, I returned to her side and held her in silence. It was then that I realized that I trully loved her. I spent so much of my life hiding, denying, or running from things I could not control or fix. Here I was, so far in over my head and yet I remained.

It doesn't take patience to be with a woman who has endured so much pain. It doesnt take an understanding of that world. It takes love. I hate to sound like a Disney movie, but love seems to be a larger factor in her healing process than I thought. I can't say that others must find a person to love them to heal, but I knew what she needed specifically.

Sorry for the random blurt of words, just thought I would share some insight into a newcomers brain.

Anthony Hankins

 He couldn't be more right. It's scary and overwhelming to anyone trying to help that has never experience such a past. But there are people out there that are willing to learn, willing to keep trying if they fail. As hard as it can be to come forward and tell your significant other of your past it has to be done. How else will they ever learn, ever be able to provide for what you need, ever be able to help you heal? Having someone validate your pain and care I believe are some of the most important gifts you can receive in your healing process. It literally challenges everything your abuse has taught you. I encourage everyone who can to speak up as soon as they feel they are ready, just to be able to experience these chances. 

I'd also like to point out that if  your partner isn't ready to deal with this, or prefers to push your pain to the background don't settle. You are not damaged goods. You are not broken beyond repair. In the same token we cannot complete depend on our partners for validation of our own self worth. Not only will we exhaust them, but we will continue to need constant reassurance. At some point we have to rebuild and reform our own self worth, and let them be someone we can lean on, but our self worth should not complete be crushed without them. This is one of the hardest things as survivors we have to learn and balance, but if you do, you can finally live again.

You can also find R.I.S.E. at the sites below:

Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com

Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather

Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com

Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather

Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather

Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com

Anonymous - Warrior

New story submission from our R.I.S.E. facebook page::

"I was sexually, physically, emotionally and verabally abused for about 7 and a half years. People would pay my grandmother (on my dad's side), and in exchange, she would let them have sex with me. At that time, I was between the ages of 7 and 13. I started cutting when I was about 12 years old, because I thought that the physical pain was better than the emotional.

I was finally able to get out of that situation, but then, one month before my 15th birthday, I was Raped. About one week later, I tried to comit suicide. I stabbed myself, and all the doctors were surprised I didn't do any internal damage.

I was 17 when I told my family what happened between my grandmother and me, and they still don't know everything that went on, but at the same time, I have been coping with major depression, anxiety, panic attacks and PTSD. I have tried getting justice for myself, because I want to see that my grandmother pays for all the times she hurt me, but they say I can't because it is too late... 

So, I have moved on. I do have those days when I question "What am I still doing here?" but, I move forward, because I don't want to let her win. I am going to win by fighting my battle, and by knowing that everything she put me through has made me a stronger person. 

I am also able to understand other people that where abused as children now, and this is why I am currently in college to become a social worker. 

I will never forget what happened to me, but it dosen't bother me like it used to. I have finally been able to heal. I am a survivor."

-Anonymous

NOTE: If you feel the need to share your story, you can send us a private message on our Facebook. We will not post it without your permission. Sharing your story is the first step to healing, and should you choose to let us post your story, you could be helping someone else in your situation realize that they are not alone. You might even save someone's life.

Keep Rising!

-Kylie (Founder)

You can also find R.I.S.E. at the sites below:

Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com

Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather

Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com

Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather

Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather

Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com