Take Back the Night 2011, TWU

As many of our members know, I went to Texas Woman’s University on April 11th, 2011 for their annual Take Back the Night rally.

For those who don't know, Take Back the Night was started in Philadelphia in October of 1975. According the the website history, the citizens of Philadelphia came together after the murder of young microbiologist, Susan Alexander Speeth, was stabbed by a stranger a block from her home while walking alone.

“Take Back The Night’s supporters have always understood the power of speaking out. Rape, sexual assault, sexual abuse and domestic violence are often labeled “crimes of silence” because of low reporting rates and social discomfort with their public discussion.”

TBTN has a foundation called Shatter the Silence, where victims can post and share their own stories. They also sell shirts, posters, whatever you might need for your own TBTN event. They even offer legal help and information on how to organize your own TBTN in your area.

TWU’s event was held by a group called Project Rev (short for revolution), “is a federal grant-funded program that provides resources for victims of the following crimes: dating or domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking. “

Project Rev had set up several booths that provided counseling services, medical health services, poster making stations, and free food and drinks. They had several speakers come forward and lay out the statistics and myths of sexual abuse crimes, really managing to hit home why this was such a big deal to speak out about. They then had everyone make one huge group to shout several TBTN rally chants as they marched through campus. The final and most meaningful part to me was when they turned the stage over to the victims and let them speak.

They carefully set up two microphones. One was labeled media, which meant if you picked that one to speak, your story would be recorded and played on the news. If you chose the other, it was shared only with the group present. It was a very touching and emotional moment as one by one survivors came forward and shared not only their story, but how they were healing. I spoke briefly about R.I.S.E. and I also shared over 30 fliers in that one night.

When it was over, I stood gathering my stuff, and a man approached me. He shook my hand and thanked me for sharing my story. My speech had been about those that had yet to come forward and how the members of R.I.S.E. where there to speak for them. I wanted people to walk away knowing that we cared even if they never had the courage to step forward. As I shook that man’s hand, a knowledge passed between him and me; I stared directly into his eyes, and knew that he had been a victim too. I don’t think he’d ever shared his story, except to maybe one or two close friends, but in that moment I knew there was so much more he wanted to say, but right then that was all he had.

To the man that shook my hand, I want to say thank you. You are the reason I do this, the fact that it touched you is more than I could ever ask for. I hope we meet again, and maybe talk one day, but if we don’t, I certainly will never forget you, or your unspoken story.

All in all, a very touching and powerfully inspiring night. Below, I’ve included links to the TBTN website, Project Rev, a news article/video of the night (I’m at 0:30 seconds with the cane), and a couple of photos from the march...





Take Back the Night: http://www.takebackthenight.org/index.html

Project Rev: http://www.twu.edu/project-rev/

CBS DFW News: http://dfw.cbslocal.com/2011/04/11/hundreds-march-to-take-back-the-night-at-twu/

Free Love

This past Monday was Free Love Day, started by a man named Justin Murray. I could explain it, but in this case, I think letting you read his story makes it a bit more meaningful, so here:

“Free Love Day is a day to promote awareness of suicide and depression, as well as to advocate a LIFESTYLE of unconditional love.

My high school crush was a blond-haired, blue-eyed descendant of Heaven with perfect looks, grades, and people skills. She was a person's person, and would do anything to brighten your day. On April 25, 2007 she committed suicide after battling depression; this left a family, school and community broken. And it left me broken, too. I wondered, and still wonder, what I could have done to make her life better.

Here are the facts: depression is one of the leading conditions that lead to suicide. Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States. Statistically, for every suicide there are ELEVEN attempts. And the truth is that we don't know who wants to, will try to, or will take their life.

What's the answer to this? Love is one. Here, love means an action and decision to unconditionally practice patience, kindness, and humbleness towards people. Sharing your story with people, because we all have one. To open up so no one feels alone.

SO HERE'S THE DEAL: On April 25th, put a heart on your wrist to signify that you will wear your heart on your sleeve and observe a LIFESTYLE of love. ASK SOMEONE HOW THEY'RE DOING. TELL PEOPLE YOU LOVE THEM AND DO IT. Nobody should have to feel so bad about themselves that they take their own life, so let's give them a reason not to! Let's change the world on April 25th!

If you accept this challenge, pass it on; let's make this day as big as we can.”

I want to take this moment to send my sympathies to Justin and to every single person who has lost someone to suicide. I personally have lost my grandpa to suicide, and basically my Dad too. I participated in the Free Love Day event, drawing my own heart on my wrist, which for some reason everyone thought was a new tattoo. Maybe I will make it permanent eventually.

I’d like to encourage those of you that missed out to consider this; I believe we should do this every day, not just on April 25th. It gets people's attention, and when they ask you about it, not only can you share the message above from Justin, but you can also explain why it matters to R.I.S.E. and therefore, spread the message of it as well. The new R.I.S.E. logo is a heart with wings, so it's easy now. Two birds with one stone...

So are you going to spread the message?

Why did I?

In response to my last blog post about the history of R.I.S.E. I feel compelled to share my own story, and explain why I became so involved in the group and wanted to help out so badly.

When I was a child, I was raped by my cousin for 2 years. It didn't start out as rape, it started out as mutual sexual intercourse, but I had no clue what was going on, and he took advantage of that. As soon as my childish brain could grasp what was going on, I demanded he stop, and he refused. I was introduced to some very twisted things, where pain and pleasure went hand in hand.

SOME OF THE FOLLOWING WILL BE GRAPHIC:

I'm going to tell you some of the worst of it here, because I want victims reading this, who have experienced these same things, to know THEY ARE NOT ALONE. It is awful, but you can live through it and come out on the other side, alive.

My cousin was slightly younger then me, but he was bigger, stronger, and much smarter then me. He tied me up, gagged me, pretended to rape me as a child, preformed bestiality on me with the help of his dogs, and caused me much more pain, just to hear me scream. Anything that caused me pain turned him on. Finally, he found ways to make me enjoy the sex because my body is still only human. Despite everything, I believe that was the was worst part, because I wanted nothing pleasurable from him.

(END OF GRAPHIC PART)

He was a very sick and twisted individual. But despite what was done to me, I can now look at him and say I pity him. Someone somewhere taught him these things, maybe even did these things to him too. Control and power were huge deals to him, and I'm pretty sure he was victim himself, but he took a much more negative path then I ever did. I cared only about the others. He admitted in sheer perverse pleasure that while I was being abused he was also raping at least 5 other girls at the same time. I cried for them, wondering what became of them. Did they die? Did they recover? How could I find them and tell them they weren't alone?

One day, I found out my abuser was caught kissing a child I babysat. I was sure he was setting things up to make her his next victim, and I decided to speak out. It was one thing to hurt me, but not the babies. I came forward to my family, who all but rejected me, unable to believe someone so young could commit terrible acts like that, especially since he was family. Rejected, I was left to deal with this on my own, reading, studying, doing everything I could to learn how to get over it. I read somewhere that in the state of Texas, if it is a minor-on-minor case, the oldest is at fault. This meant I could never take my attack to trial.

Angry and hurt that both my parents and the courts were against me, I shoved my feelings in and went into a sort of numb shock for many years. When I was 18, I reinvested myself in recovery, unable to bear the silence any longer. I began checking out support groups, forcing myself into therapy. In my groups, I was the youngest person to attempt recovery, most waiting until their early 30's before trying to heal. This baffled me. I did not want to go the rest of my life carrying this weight.

I found R.I.S.E. while scoping out other sexual abuse groups online, and it caught my interest because it not only covered all three aspects I struggled with, but it specifically covered incest. I was tired of this fact being swept under the rug by most groups, and I wanted to prove how grateful I was that someone 'finally' was taking notice. I made few music videos and pictures for R.I.S.E., but I wanted to do more. Facebook was just taking off so I offered to make them a group page, which later turned into me making this blog and a twitter account.

I spread the message of R.I.S.E. everywhere - emails, signatures, phone calls, my support groups, where ever I could. I eventually asked the founder, Kylie, if I could become the spokesperson for R.I.S.E., and she agreed.

I love this group and the people in it with all my heart. But mostly, I want R.I.S.E. to touch the people that have never come out with their stories. I want it to reach those five girls who's names I never knew. I want it to reach people like that 11 year old that was gang raped everyone supported her rapist. I want it to touch them and tell them we are here for you, we want to help you heal, you are not alone.

I want to help R.I.S.E. go nationwide. I want it to be a name that you can just say, and people automatically know what you're talking about. I want there to be more walks, more chants, more counseling groups, and centers available for people suffering from all, or one, of these issues. I want to go from college to college spreading the work of R.I.S.E. And finally, I want to make it okay to go into high schools and tell them where to find the help they need to recover, because that's the time many kids are getting hurt and suffering, because most people won't speak up about these issues at such a young age.

I hope you will help us get R.I.S.E. there. I hope you want to help break this silence, and prevent other from suffering alone like we did. I hope you want to be that hand offering help, like we do. Join us in spreading the message. Together, we are never alone!

-Rindi

Check out more about R.I.S.E. at any of the following:
Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com
Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather
Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com
Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather
Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather
Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com

History of R.I.S.E.

Today I wanted to take a moment to answer several questions I've been receiving in regards to the history of R.I.S.E.

While I could go through and answer every single one, I think this one is better left to the founder. I sent her a quick email, and she has asked me to publish this article in response. Enjoy...

"I started RISE in 2008, after moving back to a small town in Kentucky, where I had lived when I was 13-14 years old. When I had lived there before, I had made an instant friend of a girl named Heather, who I eventually found out was being raped by her father every time he came home. She had many physical and psychological problems due to this, including suicidal tendencies. After I moved away, Heather and I eventually lost touch, but the memory of her haunted me, and when I moved back there in 2008 at the age of 23, I was reminded of how angry and hurt I was for her and her situation. I had also found out that certain members of my family had been raped, and other friends of mine as well, and I realized that rape and incest happen a lot more than people think. So, I began thinking of ways to help somehow. What I came up with was a Myspace profile [myspace.com/avoiceforheather], and an acronym: RISE [Rape Incest & Suicide Education]. That was a start. I was friends with a woman named Sandra, who was the founder and president of a non-profit organization called Dreamcatchers For Abused Children, and she helped me gather information and set up the page. I adopted the alias Ragdoll Mender, and began my work.

It wasn't long after I started RISE that I was doing research on the RAINN website, and I came across an article about how to tell if you've been raped. My mind immediately shot back to about a year earlier, when a friend of mine had forced me to have sex with him. I had been in a state of denial. All the signs in the article pointed to yes, and I finally realized that not only was I helping those who had been raped, but I too had been raped. RISE would end up helping not only others, but me as well.

RISE quickly grew on Myspace, faster than I had anticipated. I had many emailing me with their stories, and some even asking for my advice on legal matters involving incest. I tried to help them to the best of my ability, but I had no college degree in counseling, and didn't want to step on any toes, so the Tripod website was born [avoiceforheather.tripod.com]. It was just a site where I could post everything that was on the Myspace, but where I could also post a disclaimer, among many other things. However, when I moved in with my husband, in a place of isolation, I had to stop updating the Tripod website, but it is still there none the less. It was the same with the Myspace, which won't load on dial-up internet. Currently, the RISE headquarters is located in Southeastern Kentucky. Not much high-speed here.

It was becoming harder and harder to maintain any kind of connection with the victims that I had grown so close to. Then, just as I was about to give up on RISE, a woman named Rindi started a Facebook group for it. Since Facebook loaded just fine on dial-up, I was able to interact again. My husband Eric [Vice President of RISE] and I made a music video promoting RISE, and friends and family joined in [youtube.com/ragdollmender]. Eric also provides a male input, and is an advocate for spreading awareness about sexual abuse towards males. Later, I created an official RISE Facebook page as well [facebook.com/avoiceforheather], and Rindi created a blog and a Twitter account [twitter.com/voiceforheather]. RISE has come a long way, and although there have been some speed bumps along the way, hopefully the best is yet to come...

Kylie Jude [Alias: Ragdoll Mender]
Founder/President
RISE"

Thank you Kylie, for sharing such a sad story, and for having the courage to want to stand up and do something about it, especially for those victims that can't speak about the pain they are enduring. <3

Check out more about R.I.S.E. at any of the following:

Website: avoiceforheather.tripod.com
Myspace: myspace.com/avoiceforheather
Blog: avoiceforheather.blogspot.com
Facebook:www.facebook.com/avoiceforheather
Twitter: www.twitter.com/VoiceforHeather
Email: VoiceforHeather@yahoo.com

Disordered Eaters Education and Advocacy

Anyone who’s followed this blog for more than a day knows we’ve been covering how society still views the way we dress to blame us for being sexual assaulted. Today, I’d like to veer in a slightly different direction.

I wanted to take today to address eating disorders and how they effect victims of sexual abuse. Since body image and perceptions tie in with the ‘way we look makes us victims’ concept, I felt I’d include it here. I am an active supporter of a group named Disordered Eaters Education and Advocacy, which can be wonderfully shortened to DEEA when you’re in a hurry.

DEEA is rather new, but it shows great promise to those suffering with eating disorders and who are looking for help, or help for friends who happen to be suffering with an eating disorder.

DEEA’s mission consists of three main goals:
1) To provide life-coaching to those in recovery from an eating disorder;
2) To supply resources on eating disorders, including facts, facilities, and support groups; and
3) To educate young people on the truths of eating disorders.

This is sadly a problem that is still swept under the rug in modern society. With a nation obsessed with focusing on diets, obesity, and a confusing idea of what weight is considered ‘sexy’ it’s no surprise eating disorders have taken root here.

Now, granted, this latest generation has become much more open about eating disorders, thanks in part to celebrities like Demi Lovato, but getting help for those suffering with eating disorders is still a confusing jumble of overwhelming information. Eating disorders are preventable and treatable, but without the information, most people never get the help they need. DEEA has set out to change this.

DEEA will help sift through all the information for you and get you exactly what you need in order to recover. DEEA basically takes your hand and walks you step by step through what you need to do and how you need to get there, while educating the next generation about the myths and truths surrounding eating disorders.

Here are a few examples of truths DEEA hopes to educate people about:
1) Anorexia nervosa has the highest premature mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder, typically resulting in death due to psychological complications - such as suicide.
2) As many as 11 million Americans suffer from an eating disorder, 10 million of which are women.
3) As of 2003, 40% of newly identified cases of anorexia are girls, ages 15-29.
4) The majority of people with an eating disorder do not receive adequate care. Many times, this is because so many insurance companies do not recognize eating disorders as a chronic or fatal illness.
5) More research funding goes towards schizophrenia, which is suffered by 1/5 the number of people suffering from an eating disorder.
6) There are many causes of eating disorders such as; family influences, sports, history of sexual abuse, certain personalities, and emotional disorders.

Now, what does this have to do with R.I.S.E.? Glad you asked!

Many people who suffer from sexual abuse turn to an eating disorder as a coping mechanism. Eating disorders give a false sense of control to someone who felt that control had been taken away from them. In fact, young girls who are sexually abused are more likely to develop eating disorders as adolescents. And when trying to control their body image fails to heal their psychological damage, the result often ends in suicide. Heather, the girl R.I.S.E. was inspired by, was anorexic. When she couldn't gain control from not eating, she turned to suicide. Luckily, she lived, but there are many who go through these same motions, and sometimes it doesn't end so well.

I’m going to take a moment to get very personal here. When I was younger, I was overweight for my age. After being raped multiple times, my body image was completely and totally messed up. I refused to eat. I was too depressed to care. When I did eat, my body packed on the pounds after being in starvation mode for way to long. I began to embrace that and over-eat, my reasoning being ‘society views fat girls as undesirable, if I was undesirable then I wouldn’t continue to be raped or hurt.’ Now, years later, I’m still dealing with trying to control a healthy weight.

I bring this story up because I want to point out that even if you are truly a big person, eating disorders effect you too. I could have easily gone the other route and become unhealthily thin if I thought it would have worked to my advantage in stopping my abuse.

And for my male R.I.S.E. followers, DEEA also wants to shatter the myth that it's only a woman's disease. In fact DEEA wants to expose the fact that over 1 million American males suffer from an eating disorder, and they often don’t get the help they need because male pride gets in the way.

If you are interested in learning more, or to take advantage of one of DEEA’s services (assistance in searching for resources, life coaching for those in recovery, or educating youth audiences) by contacting DEEA through email at disorderedeaters.eaa@gmail.com, you can visit their website at: http://disorderedeaterseaa.vpweb.com/.

You can also visit their facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Disordered-Eaters-Education-and-Advocacy/214694088541006?sk=info

Slutwalk - Not Just For Sluts

Last week, we discussed how society still views the victims of horrible sexual assault crimes as at fault because of the ‘slutty’ way they dress. Well, apparently some wonderful people have decided to take action.

In an article by Alissa Randall in the Toronto Observer, some students are taking action into their own hands to raise awareness and change these out-dated attitudes. According to the article, a group of students were angry after an off handed comment from a police officer that “women can avoid sexual assault by not dressing like sluts.” The Women gathered together and have decided to start a walk, a “Slutwalk” to be exact.

I think this is a great idea. I am all for raising awareness and I’m inspired that someone has stepped forth with an idea. I feel the need to point out that this is taking place in Canada, and that this idea of "it’s the victim’s fault 'cause of their clothes" is not just limited to the United States.

Below I’ve included links to other places holding their own Slutwalks. I encourage everyone of you to take part if you can. Maybe if we shout loud enough and stomp our feet on that pavement hard enough, people will actually start to listen. If nothing else, please go to support these women and show them that you refuse to be one of the ignorant masses.

I like the fact that these women are also making a powerful statement of what a ‘slut’ is.

“The group also wants to reclaim the definition of “slut” as someone who is in control of their own sexuality.

“We really want to push the idea that nobody is worthy of any kind of violence, whether you enjoy sex or not,” Barnett said.

Just because a woman enjoys sex, she said, doesn’t mean she’s inviting sexual assault.”

I think this is a very great point, hence the boldness. A woman can indeed like to have sex, but that still does not make it okay to rape, or hurt her. To many times people forget that, especially in the prostitution business. Some women have to do it, or hell maybe they even like it, pleasure for easy money, but that still doesn’t make it okay to hurt, abuse, or rape these women in any way. They are still people!

I applaud you ladies for what you are doing, and you can bet I’ll be in the Dallas Slutwalk!

Read the whole article here: http://www.torontoobserver.ca/2011/03/30/slutwalk-set-to-strut-past-queens-park-to-police-hq-on-april-3/

See the Slutwalk page here: http://www.slutwalktoronto.com/

See the locations of nationwide Slutwalks here: http://www.slutwalktoronto.com/satellite

-Rindi