R.I.S.E. Together: Male Abuse

Today I'm sharing an article I stumbled upon from The Good Men Project. If you're like me and have never heard of them this is an excerpt from their About section on their website.

"The Good Men Project was founded by Tom Matlack in 2009 as an anthology and documentary film featuring men’s stories about the defining moments in their lives. The original, modest goal, was to tell stories about men that “changed the writer and changed the reader.” In the process, it became apparent that this book was fostering a much-needed cultural conversation about manhood. Since that time, The Good Men Project has grown into a diverse, multi-faceted media company and an idea-based social platform."

I think this idea is totally brilliant and of course the first story I stumble upon on their site was this one. "What My Sister Did: Surviving Incest" by Nathan C. Daniels. On the site Nathan shares his painful story and you can definitely feel his uncomfortableness, but very real, very raw pain he has suffered.

"They say that time heals all wounds… that’s bullshit! In this situation, time is not on your side and, if left to its own devices, it will form an alliance with your problems… not you."

Nathan has also written his own book called "Surviving the Fourth Cycle" his true story about overcoming suicide and mental illness.

"Surviving the Fourth Cycle swings pendulously back and forth between two stories that ultimately bleed into one.

You will experience the author's most recent battle with mental illness through raw and honest journal entries that give you a rare "fly on the wall" perspective from a truly haunted mind. At the same time, Nathan rips his closet door off its hinges and lets all the skeletons come rattling out through a series of writings that are, in essence, the chapters of his life. You are in for a bumpy ride as he picks through the bones in these extremely personal essays that examine the intense relationships and experiences that have led to both his struggle to function in society, and his ability to persevere."

In Nathan's article he shared several steps that helped him recover that he hopes will help others. I'll spare quoting his whole article right here, but if your suffering and want to see what a true survivor, a male survivor, found helpful in his own recovery I strongly suggest checking this out.

http://goodmenproject.com/on-rape-and-sexual-violence/the-good-life-what-my-sister-did-surviving-inces/2/

Thank you Nathan for coming forward in a harsh society against male rape and speaking out. You are braver than you know and as a survivor I thank you.

To read more about Nathan's book go here: http://www.survivingthefourthcycle.com

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If you’re like me you had never heard of Penn State before 2011, but thanks to a huge child sexual abuse case, now almost everyone knows the school. For those of us that need a recap, this is a summary of what happened accord to Wikipedia.

“Involved university football assistant coach Jerry Sandusky's sexual assault of at least eight underage boys on or near university property, and actions by some university officials to cover up the incidents or to enable more. Based on an extensive grand jury investigation, Sandusky was indicted in 2011 on 52 counts of child molestation dating from 1994 to 2009, though the abuse may have dated as far back as the 1970s. Per the findings of the grand jury, several high-level school officials were charged with perjury, suspended, or dismissed for covering up the incidents or failing to notify authorities. In the wake of the scandal, school president Graham Spanier was forced to resign, and head football coach Joe Paterno was fired late in the 2011–12 season, while Sandusky maintained his innocence.

The trial of Jerry Sandusky on 52 charges of sexual crimes against children started on June 11, 2012, at the Centre County Courthouse in Bellefonte, Pennsylvania. Four charges were subsequently dropped, leaving 48. On June 22, 2012, Sandusky was found guilty on 45 of 48 counts of sexual abuse. Sandusky faces a minimum sentence of 60 years — effectively a life sentence at his age.^”

This case is particularly important because it not only was a huge cover up, but it involved boys. Male rape and abuse is still considered a rare occurrence, so the fact you have so many guys coming out about what happened is extraordinary. They all suffered different levels of anal and oral sex, along with molestation and being forced to shower with said offered. I’d like to take a moment to offer my condolences and sincere gratitude to each and every guy that came out about what happened to them, not only for themselves, but for all the other boys that suffered at this man’s hands. I’m glad that such harsh charges have fallen on such deep betrayal of trust, and hope that others can gather more encouragement about coming forward in their own abuse cases.

In an episode of SVU they were trying to get a girl to come forward and testify about her rape. The girl torn between the issue listened to this simple piece of advice from the detective on her case. “I never met a victim that regretted testifying.” It’s a very powerful statement. Even though testifying is one of the hardest things a victim will face, not only in court, but out of it as well; in the end, I haven’t heard many, if any, cases where they regret their testimony. It’s a validation to what happened to you and even if your abuser gets off somehow you still not only told your story, but often give someone else who might have also suffered from the same abuser the courage to come forward, as was the case in this episode.The people that covered up the Penn State abuse didn’t get away scott free either.

“On July 23, 2012 the NCAA imposed sweeping penalties on Penn State--among the most severe ever imposed on an NCAA member school--including a fine of $60 million, a four-year postseason ban and vacating of all victories from 1998-2011. In doing so, NCAA President Mark Emmert stated that the sanctions were levied "not to be just punitive, but to make sure the university establishes an athletic culture and daily mindset in which football will never again be placed ahead of education, nurturing and protecting young people." The Big Ten Conference subsequently imposed an additional $13 million fine.”

I can only hope that the victims put through the ordeals of this trail and such a high profile case can to feel this relief about having this secret revealed.

“As of July 2012, two other investigations are ongoing: a federal criminal probe by the local United States Attorney launched shortly after the discovery of Sandusky's crimes, and a separate probe from the Department of Education into whether Penn State responded to the incident properly and reported it in accordance with federal law.”

May you all gain the courage and empowering support that these men had to come forward and stop the cycle of abuse. For those of you that are still wrestling with this decision, here at R.I.S.E. we are all here for you and offer our support and advice the best we can.