Saturday, June 29, 2013

The Good Men Project, Nathan's Story, and Surviving the Fourth Cycle

Today I'm sharing an article I stumbled upon from The Good Men Project. If you're like me and have never heard of them this is an excerpt from their About section on their website.
"The Good Men Project was founded by Tom Matlack in 2009 as an anthology and documentary film featuring men’s stories about the defining moments in their lives. The original, modest goal, was to tell stories about men that “changed the writer and changed the reader.” In the process, it became apparent that this book was fostering a much-needed cultural conversation about manhood. Since that time, The Good Men Project has grown into a diverse, multi-faceted media company and an idea-based social platform." 
I think this idea is totally brilliant and of course the first story I stumble upon on their site was this one. "What My Sister Did: Surviving Incest" by Nathan C. Daniels. On the site Nathan shares his painful story and you can definitely feel his uncomfortableness, but very real, very raw pain he has suffered. 
"They say that time heals all wounds… that’s bullshit! In this situation, time is not on your side and, if left to its own devices, it will form an alliance with your problems… not you."
Nathan has also written his own book called "Surviving the Fourth Cycle" his true story about overcoming suicide and mental illness.
"Surviving the Fourth Cycle swings pendulously back and forth between two stories that ultimately bleed into one. 
You will experience the author's most recent battle with mental illness through raw and honest journal entries that give you a rare "fly on the wall" perspective from a truly haunted mind. At the same time, Nathan rips his closet door off its hinges and lets all the skeletons come rattling out through a series of writings that are, in essence, the chapters of his life. You are in for a bumpy ride as he picks through the bones in these extremely personal essays that examine the intense relationships and experiences that have led to both his struggle to function in society, and his ability to persevere."

In Nathan's article he shared several steps that helped him recover that he hopes will help others. I'll spare quoting his whole article right here, but if your suffering and want to see what a true survivor, a male survivor, found helpful in his own recovery I strongly suggest checking this out.


Thank you Nathan for coming forward in a harsh society against male rape and speaking out. You are braver than you know and as a survivor I thank you.
To read more about Nathan's book go here: http://www.survivingthefourthcycle.com
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A Letter to a Molester.

This is from http://www.therealsupermumblog.com/2013/05/letter-molester/ but it was so touching I just had to share it here.

A Letter To My Molester
“Just this once,” you used to say, but that was just a lie.
You stole my innocence and made your little brother cry.
Not just when you touched my skin, throughout my whole existence.
Nightmares! Flashbacks! Memories, pursued with great persistence.
You would bring me to the basement, in the quiet of the night.
I know you were a victim too. That doesn’t make it right.
It was wrong, our uncle touched you once, outside by grandma’s shed.
He shared a sickness with you, sis, and then you helped it spread!
It wasn’t good enough to touch… you made me touch you back!
You forced my face between your legs, while writhing on your back.
Once was traumatizing, but this would last throughout a year!
You filled a dwindling childhood with painful, shameful fear!
I’d go to school on Mondays with my wounded pubic bone.
Surrounded by a hundred kids… you made me feel alone!
A six-year old, should never feel the things you had me feeling.
It wasn’t just that year, you took —Decades you were stealing!
I did try to forget it all… once that nightmare passed.
I’m glad I didn’t know back then, how long the pain would last.
You fucked my life up really bad —Without so much as trying.
I’ve cut myself! I’ve gone insane —Envisioned myself dying!
From fear, to shame, to hatred, that I carried for too long,
To numbness, and insanity… before I could be strong!
For thirty years, I’ve struggled with insatiable confusion,
To finally, after all this time, achieve some restitution.
Now, that I’m no longer numb, and I have found relief…
Now, that I’ve survived abuse, and loss, and death, and grief…
I’m finally letting go of all the hate and shame you made!
I’ve learned to reach out for a pen, a lot more than a blade.
I will never say I love you… and I cannot wish you well,
But, I released my hatred too, and now I’m free from Hell!
You molested me, big sister, and now I’m writing so you know…
My wounds have finally healed inside, but getting here was slow.
One more thing I want to share —It’s important, that you see…
The sickness that you tried to spread… I let it end with me!

To the 'The Real Supermom' that wrote this, you are awesome.
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Monday, April 22, 2013

Update - Twitter Hashtag Announcement and TeamStrick Online Awareness Day

Just a quick update and small change to our #hashtag posted here. 

#RISEandShine (Mondays) are now #MusicMondays. RISEandShine will continue, but not on a specific day anymore. So the new schedule is as follows:

#MusicMondays. 
#InnerChildTuesday
#SurvivorWednesday
#TherapyThursday
#FreedomFriday
#SharingSaturday
#HealingSunday

 Also April 20th was the online campaign with TeamStrick & a bunch of other groups to spread awareness. We had some really great entries. #RISEawareness

Our friends at RAINN - (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network)


Kylie - Founder of R.I.S.E.




"I love the idea of the phoenix "rising" from the ashes. And underneath, to be true to it's Greek Mythology, is "RISE" in Greek." -Shona (Official Member) 


My graphic for a shirt. Rape affects both men and women, why not involve them both.



Check out more about R.I.S.E. at any of the following:
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Friday, April 12, 2013

Canadian Rape Bullying and Awareness Day

"A female in Canada who was raped and humiliated killed herself last week because she couldn't handle it anymore. She was bullied, insulted, and struggled alone thinking she was making it up and she was in the wrong because everyone in her school turned against her -- even her own friends. I am truly devastated to hear this and sickened that she was pushed to that limit and no one was there to be her foundation, to act as the Secondary she desperately needed. Raise your voices, my fellow RISE members! Let this atrocity not go unheard! Regardless of whether you believe a person was actually assaulted or not, don't discount their story. NEVER tell them it wasn't real. NEVER tell them it was their fault. This just... I have no words. For a Survivor who has been to the depths of that darkness and feared there was no way out yet managed to find freedom, I feel so deeply for the Family that lost this beautiful young woman to something so horrible.
NEVER GIVE UP! No matter who turns on you, no matter how alone you get -- YOU. AREN'T. ALONE. WE, those who have RISEN from the darkness, who have become SURVIVORS can and SHALL BE your foundation when no one else will! I'm in tears right now typing this because I am so grateful for the people that were in my life when I came home after leaving my abuser. So grateful for those who willingly stepped up to the plate not knowing what they were getting into and not giving a shit because it was the RIGHT THING TO DO, not because it was the easy one.
So, Rehtaeh Parsons, I pray that you find the peace you did not find on Earth within the boundless expanse of the Summerlands. And may the knowledge that you are eased of your suffering bring some measure of relief to your Family -- even if the loss of you is too great a thing to put into words.
Before I end this, I have a request. On the 20th, for Awareness day, since this case made national headlines for so damn long, let's get together and come up with some way to be the voice this poor girl never had. Even if it's too late to help her heal through it, it's never too late to show others that we're ALWAYS listening."
-Bailey (Official RISE Member)
"It really is heartbreaking that we've lost another rape victim to suicide. What's it gonna take for people to see that victim blaming kills?!?"
-Kylie (RISE Founder)
R.I.P. Rehtaeh Parsons. 
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Sunday, March 24, 2013

Steubenville, Ohio and Rape Culutre


As many of you might have heard two boys have been charged in a date rape case in Steubenville, Ohio. This particular case has sparked a national outrage against the community of Steubenville for covering up and actually sympathizing with the rapist these heinous acts.
“On the night of August 11, 2012, when a heavily inebriated high school girl was publicly and repeatedly sexually violated by her peers, several of whom documented the acts in social media. The victim was transported to various parties, undressed, photographed, sexually assaulted, and orally penetrated. She was also penetrated vaginally by other students' fingers, an act defined as rape under Ohio law. The jocular attitude of the assailants was documented on Facebook, Twitter, text messages, and cell phone recordings of the acts. The incident and ensuing legal proceedings generated considerable controversy and galvanized a national conversation about rape and rape culture. Two students, Ma'lik Richmond and Trent Mays, both 16 at the time of the crime, have been convicted in juvenile court for the rape of a minor.”
For those that are confused, rape culture is consider to be “a concept used to describe a culture in which rape and sexual violence are common and in which prevalent attitudes, norms, practices, and media normalize, excuse, tolerate, or even condone rape.”

There’s a really great article about rape culture and this particular case by Lauren Nelson on her blog, http://rantagainsttherandom.wordpress.com.
“Rape culture is when you’re tired of hearing about “rape culture” because it makes you uncomfortable, as your attempt to silence discourse on the subject means we never raise enough awareness to combat it – and that’s part of why it sticks around.” 
Rape culture is why even though the evidence is there and the victim was willing to testify both rapists received the minimum sentence they could. Despite possibly evidence that the girl was drugged, they still are getting off almost scott-free. Even though evidence is still coming out that the coaches knew what happened and covered it up to save their “promising football careers.”
“On March 17, 2013, Judge Thomas Lipps tried Mays and Richmond as juveniles and found them guilty of rape. Each defendant received the minimum sentence for their convicted crimes, with the possibility of remaining in juvenile detention until age 21. The judge set the minimum sentence of one year for Richmond, who was found guilty of using his fingers to penetrate the girl while she was unconscious. Mays, who was found guilty of penetrating the girl while she was unconscious and disseminating pornographic pictures of her, was given the minimum sentence of two years. Because the girl was a minor, Mays was charged with and convicted of the dissemination of child pornography, which is the reason for his additional year in juvenile detention. Whether or not Mays and Richmond will be added to the sexual-offenders registry depends on a future hearing to evaluate their behavior once they have turned 21.”
To add insult to injury major news networks shared the name of the victim on national television, allowing the 16-year-old to be blasted with hate mail and death threats. Despite of this her family has pulled together and is trying to find the good in everything.
“My family and I are hopeful that we can put this whole ordeal behind us. We need and deserve to focus on our daughters future. We hope that from this something good can arise. I feel I have an opportunity to bring an awareness to others, possibly change the mentality of a youth or help a parent to have more of an awareness to where their children are and what they are doing.”

“This does not define who my daughter is. She will persevere, grow & move on."  
-Mother of Steubenville rape victim. 
And small signs of progress as being made as seen by the Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWine when he said the following the arrest of the two girls who threatened the Steubenville victim via Twitter after the guilty verdicts were announced: 
“Threatening a teenage rape victim will not be tolerated. If anyone makes a threat verbally or via the Internet, we will take it seriously, we will find you, and we will arrest you.”
Those words were also a statement against a culture that minimizes or even glorifies violence against women and holds athletes to a different standard by which even criminal behavior is deemed acceptable.
I pray she will persevere, grow and move on. I pray that we all can, but we must never forget that people are still willing to protect themselves where rape is involved. We will stand behind you 16-year-old beautiful girl. We will support you and stand with you as you face those horrible tough and trying time each day. We are proud of you for facing your attackers in prison and saying “I may have drank, but that didn’t mean it was ok for you to rape me.” R.I.S.E. is here for you and whatever you may need. 

Thank you for being so strong. 

Thank you for standing up. 

Thank you for speaking out where no one else would.

More info about the articles:
http://healthland.time.com/2013/03/20/what-about-the-victim-the-steubenville-rape-victims-recovery/#ixzz2OUJqyG1u
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_culture
http://rantagainsttherandom.wordpress.com/2013/03/19/so-youre-tired-of-hearing-about-rape-culture/
http://www.thenation.com/blog/173324/steubenville-and-challenging-rape-culture-sports
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Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Twitter Hashtag Announcement!


Please join us on Twitter @VoiceForHeather & participate in sharing the healing! If you have a Twitter, please follow us to see our regular posts as well as extra stuff only available on Twitter!
Our new Twitter Hashtags will make viewing pictures & posts on certain topics much easier. You probably know our schedule by now, & we now have hashtags for each day, so you can simply click on a hashtag & see all related posts!
Also, you are always free to suggest pictures & quotes for us to use on Facebook, but now you can also tweet us your suggestions using the hashtags, & if we like it we will retweet you, & maybe even share your suggestion on Facebook! It can be pictures, quotes, links, or just your own original thoughts.
Here is a list of the new RISE hashtags, based on our schedule:
#RISEandShine (Mondays)
#InnerChildTuesday
#SurvivorWednesday
#TherapyThursday
#FreedomFriday
#SharingSaturday
#HealingSunday

Also, we are working on a campaign with TeamStrick & a bunch of other groups to spread awareness. For anything related to TeamStrick Awareness Day (April 20th) or to awareness in general, we now have the hashtag #RISEawareness so keep that in mind!
We need you guys to help us get RISE out there, especially on Twitter. So please participate, spread the healing, & Keep Rising!
-The RISE Team
(NOTE: Since we are using so many hashtags, some of them may also have other groups using them, so keep that in mind! & remember these hashtags will also work for Instagram or any other program that uses hashtags. Thanks in advance for your participation!)

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Sunday, February 10, 2013

South African Rape Protests




Following with the trend in New Delhi, South Africa is now joining the countries that are standing up against rape. 
According to Thedailybeast.com, about a week ago 17-year-old “Anene Booysen was brutally gang raped. Her throat was slit; her fingers and legs shattered. The attackers had stuck a broken glass bottle inside her body and left her for dead on a construction site in the small, quiet Southern Cape town of Bredasdorp, about 120 miles from Cape Town. A security guard found her near lifeless body. She identified and named at least one of the alleged rapists, but died soon thereafter.”
To give you some statistics on the country, "Medical Research Council estimates that up to 3,600 rapes happen daily in this nation of close to 52 million people. This places South Africa among the countries with the highest incidences of rape worldwide and, outside of war zones, makes it one of the most violent societies, especially towards women." The radio has even decided to bring extra awareness by playing a beep on  Primedia's four radio stations for 12 hours today, every four minutes to symbolize the number of rapes taking place in South Africa each day."
This horrifying story much like the one in New Delhi has propelled people into action. Reports of radio talk shows, news, and other media outlets have been giving the most voice to this injustice. Encouraging words like these from Eusebius McKaiser give me hope during such dark times: 
“I’ve lost count of the number of stories listeners have shared with me on my daily chat show on Talk Radio 702. One married man is grappling with the memory of a woman who molested him when he was very young. She was his mother’s friend. Another man stopped his car while driving to call in to the show and publicly, for the first time, talk about criminals who had hijacked him years ago but only drove off with his car after gang-raping him.
 Throughout the day on Friday, the media created a space on social media platforms, in the newspapers and on the airwaves for South Africans to share their stories of being victims and survivors of rape. Every group is affected: girls and boys, women and men, old and young, rich and poor, black and white.”
Reports of several officials and even criminals alike are standing up and speaking out too, each with their own interpretation on how we, as a society, can help prevent these attacks and essentially change the world.

“President Jacob Zuma released an unusually emotional statement on Thursday, calling the attack on Booysen “inhumane”.   
“This act is shocking, cruel and most inhumane. It has no place in our country. We must never allow ourselves to get used to these acts of base criminality to our women and children,” the presidency's statement read.   
A senior executive at Soul City, Dr Sue Goldstein, said rape could not be tolerated in the public sphere or media.  
“It’s not about how we sexualise, but how we demean women in the media.”  
While rights and gender activist Lisa Vetten has urged men to stop venting their rage and resentment on women.  
“Because woman, I think, occupy an inferior status still in South Africa; they are an appropriate vehicle in which they (men) can displace their rage, their resentment and their sense of disappointment and dissatisfaction with life.”  
Vetten said women needed to be empowered in society.  
Convicted bank robber and member of the Stander gang, Allan Heyl, has meanwhile said existing laws must be enforced.  
"It’s almost a call to arms. I think enough is enough.”
Despite the horrible circumstances that opened people up to talk I’m glad that real dialogue, real anger, real fighting for a better, safer, future can no begin in these countries because the silence is finally being broken.


More info about the protests:
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